Title: Stitches
Author: coldestxheart
Pairing: Waycest
Rating: PG-13
Beta: kccaseykc
Disclaimer: Complete fiction.
Summary: What happens when the one thing that's always held you together starts to fall apart?
A/N: Wow. This is seriously the first thing I've finished since Someone to Love Me. It's dedicated to kccaseykc for always supporting me, and poseys_demise, for always making me feel missed and loved when away from the fandom <3

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     Gerard doesn't know what to do anymore.

     The reason is simple: everything is falling apart.

     The solution is not so simple.

     His life has simply started to crack into smaller and smaller fragments of stability. Whatever foundation he used to have is crumbling beneath his worn Converses, and he has no idea where to run to when it's all collapsing at the edges, inching its way closer to his fragile soul every second. 

     Things have fallen apart before, of course. It’s expected to happen eventually. When life begins, it's a clean, smooth surface. Troubles and ill experiences contribute to small cracks in the exterior that gradually grow deeper over time while spanning outward like cobwebs, threatening to split the entire surface in two if it's not repaired. But there is always some sort of thread. Some sort of glue to hold everything together.

     Mikey was his thread.

     Throughout the past years of his life, Mikey had always been there for Gerard. Always helping, always understanding, always loving.

     But the cracks are bigger now; things are changing.

     And Gerard is worried about him and Mikey.

     If one person has lived their life being thread, who's going to hold that person together?

     Lately Mikey has been needing more and more help from Gerard, which Gerard could usually give at any time, but the older Way is finding himself deteriorated as well. Mikey's been getting weaker by the day, expecting his brother to take care of him. To piece him back together like he has done for the older so many times before. But how can he expect someone who can't even hold their own emotional stitches intact even think about sewing someone's broken trust and security back together? Not even mentioning how both parties would probably end up bleeding more from the procedure.

     Crimson flecks on the fraying thread and demolished shards of innocence.

     Everything was so much easier when they were innocent.

     When they were two brothers, playing in the park together. When they were best friends, hanging out for hours every weekend. When they were high school students, ditching class more regularly than they attended to do nothing more than sit on top Gerard's car and smoke cigarrettes.

     When things were simple. 

     Before they became attracted to each other, completely confused by foreign feelings. Before they dealt with the realization of what said feelings met, shrouded every second by the guilt of insuppressible emotion. Before the night when their innocence was finally removed, broken down into pieces so small they could never be repaired.

     Before they fell in love.

     No matter how much you can try to stitch things back together, you can never make them like new again. Even if both brothers became completely patched up, healthy and happy again, the scars from the healing would remain. The stitches would stay forever lodged in pale skin, a constantly visible memory of past losses. Even if Gerard managed to pull himself together and fix himself first and foremost, then mend his lover in the same fashion, the memories would remain.

     Things can be repaired, but heartbreak cannot be undone.

     No matter how much he cherishes, loves, and protects his brother, Gerard knows there is nothing he can do to erase what has happened.

     Gerard knows this.

     And he doesn't know what to do anymore.

One/ Two/ Three/ Four/ Five/ Six/ Seven/ Eight/ Nine/ Ten/ Eleven/ Twelve/ Thirteen/ Fourteen/ Fifteen/ Sixteen/ Seventeen/ Eighteen/ Nineteen/ Twenty/ Twenty-One/ Twenty-Two/ Twenty-Three/ Twenty-Four/ Twenty-Five/ Twenty-Six/ Twenty-Seven/ Twenty-Eight

 A/N: Okay. SO. I was definitely planning on at least a couple more chapters, but I try not to structure myself too much, and when I sat down to write, this is what happened... So it appears we've finally reached the end, everyone. Thank you so much to everyone who's ever commented and supported this. You all mean the absolute world to me <3 <3 <3

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     “No… No… We’re fine, I promise…” Gerard’s smooth voice, now obviously calmer than it had been only an hour ago, filtered through the speaker on his cell phone. “He’s in the shower right now… Yeah, a little scratched up, but nothing too bad.” Saying those words made his stomach churn. In reality, Frank had received nothing more than a few scratches on the physical level. A few scratches which were nothing in comparison to the emotional damage this night had inflicted on the boy. “All right,” he finally sighed. “Yes, I’ve let Mikey know, and he told Alisha.” A pause, before: “Oh, and, Zach? Tell the boss I won’t be in tomorrow…please?” A barely noticeable hint of a smile graced his features for the first time since arriving from his earlier date as Gerard received the answer that his red-haired friend would take over his shift for him. “Thanks, man… I’ll call you later, okay? Bye…”

     The artist snapped the phone shut with a delicate twist of his fingers before tossing it across the room in no particular direction. He sat on the edge of his messy, yet made bed with nothing but a pair of baggy black pajama pants clothing him. The sound of the slowing rain pattering on the roof blending seamless with the falling water from the showerhead in the bathroom were the only sounds that reverberated through the apartment. The man lied back on the bed and vaguely wondered if he should go check on his boyfriend - or rather, who he hoped was still his boyfriend after all the chaos. He ultimately decided against hovering over Frankie, however, completely unaware of Frank’s increasingly troubled state in the nearby bathroom.

     The distressed boy swallowed another sob as he scrubbed his body even harder with the washcloth. His skin had become bright red from over-washing, and blood was starting to seep through the broken flesh in certain places, twisting around the cascading water in a beautiful mixture before temporarily staining the white porcelain floor as it was carried down the drain. The water was hot to the point of being painful, scalding the boy’s delicate, creamy shoulders, although he was too far gone to notice. I’m just going to be used forever… I won’t ever be clean again… None of this will ever end… ever…

     He unconsciously scrubbed at his arm harder with the cloth, literally reopening the old scars on his inner arm and failing to notice the irony of his physical scars reopening at the same time that his emotional ones had. It seemed that when his world broke apart, so did he… his heart, his mind, his soul, his very body began to crumble under the strain. Before long, the raw skin on his body ached everywhere, but he only snapped out of his daze once he had consumed all the hot water in the apartment. Ice cold water shooting down his spine immediately snapped him back to consciousness long enough to turn off the faucet. Slowly, he slid down the wall to sit in the bottom of the tub before he spent a few moments vaguely watching the droplets of blood drip out of his tender flesh and make tiny rivers down the bottom of the tub. Blood was supposed to equal life… and here was his life draining away before his very eyes.

     Why me? The simple, two-word thought expressed what weeks of journaling could not. More than anything, Frank simply found himself confused as to why all these horrible things had to happen to him. Why me? I’m not… a good person… but I’m not… I’m not that horrible. I can’t… I can’t deserve all of this… C-Can I?

     An unexpected knock at the bathroom door was almost immediately followed by a surprised yelp from the boy who had once again become tangled in the thorny briers of his self-destructive thought. “Frankie?” Gerard called through the door, voice hesitant. He received no answer, although that had been expected. “Frank, sweetheart… You turned off the shower forty-five minutes ago. Are you okay in there?” Frank blinked. Forty-five minutes? Really? “I’ve been knocking,” Gerard continued. “But you locked the door, and you wouldn’t answer… Can you hear me, Frank? Please tell me you’re okay.” His voice was becoming more than unsure; now it was panicked. Pleading.

     “I-I am,” Frank answered so quietly that if Gerard had not intently pressed his ear against the wooden door, he would not have heard it. The artist let out a slow breath before daring to speak again.

     “Can I come in? Are you dressed?”

     “I-I…don’t…h-have my clothes…”

     “They’re in our room?” Gerard took the complete lack of response as a silent nod. “Okay, one second.” Half a minute later, the older man stood outside the door again. “I’ve got your clothes… If you really don’t want me to come in, you can just… I don’t know. Open the door a little and I’ll slide them in. Or. Or something.” Frank nodded just barely, a reply that Gerard somehow knew he had conveyed, and the door opened just a crack. A few moments later, Frank was dressed and left with no legitimate excuse to keep the other out of the bathroom.

     Gerard slowly walked in, relieved at first by the sight of the boy, but that heart-lifting feeling quickly evaporated when he saw the blood-spotted bathtub. “What happened.” The way he said it wasn’t a question - it was an order. One that said tell me now. The boy sighed heavily, but was far too weak to put up any other protest. With no resistance at all, he stripped off the long sleeved shirt that concealed his abused skin.

     Gerard shut his eyes as he swallowed back the bile that immediately rose in his throat at the sight. The reason was far from disgust, or pity, but rather, Gerard’s most common emotion: guilt. He viewed this as his fault too. Frank had hurt himself, and he had not been there to stop him. Frank had hurt himself right in his house, right in the next room, and he had not been thinking enough to go stop him. So afraid of rejection, he had avoided the boy for as long as possible, and now this had happened because of it. All my fault, the black- haired man thought dejectedly. Just like Kyle was all my fault. Wincing at his own musings, he gently set Frank down on the edge of the bathtub as he began to rummage under the sink for the first-aid supplies.

     Something oddly calming made itself known during the next hour of doing nothing but caring for Frank’s wounds. That warm feeling of familiarity - no matter how unpleasant said familiar situation was - flowed throughout the room, filling it up.

     That’s when Gerard realized it.

     No matter what happened - whether it was brought on by hidden pasts, crazy ex-boyfriends, pedophilic uncles, or issues with another third party - no matter what, at the end of the day, this was what they were:

     Frank, a boy more than beautiful, with eyes that an angel would weep for, who had been broken beyond belief. Brutally abused and tormented, he could not even clearly see the beauty and charm which seemed to almost radiate from him. His delicate heart had been shattered many times, and then destroyed as soon as the pieces had been gathered and shakily stitched back together again with discarded pieces of worn yarn. The precarious threads that held his heart together seldom allowed him to trust anyone, but it appeared that there could be room for one. Just one… The final piece to complete the puzzle of Frank Iero, and that final piece was Gerard.

     Gerard, a man who had made a mistake and spent far too long punishing himself for it. His biggest fear was simply himself, and he had yet to realize that he would only fully trust himself once another had full trust in him as well. Broken as well, he needed to be needed. To have a reason to live. To justify his existence each day. To have just one person, for one perfect moment, be thankful that Gerard was there. Honestly put, Gerard Way was weak. So incredibly weak when he found himself alone, but the need to care for someone he loved always forced him to pull himself together.

     Gerard Way was weak, but he could be strong for Frank.

     At the end of the day, this was what they were. Who they were. Two people who loved and needed each other through everything. Neither were anywhere near perfect alone, but together, they were something amazing. And Gerard finally realized that, no matter what happened, their trauma would always end this way, with Frank‘s shaken trust somehow intact, and Gerard’s smooth artistic hands gently caring for the physical wounds on the other’s body, replacing actions of hatred and disgust with those of pure affection and care, making Frank into a piece of art, sculpting him into the boy he was today.

     At the end of the day, they would always love each other.

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     “Shut the fuck up,” Gerard groaned as he was finally roused from slumber at three the next afternoon by the Dresden Doll’s music blaring from his misplaced cell phone. Frank blinked a few times to help himself become fully conscious and furrowed his brow, confused.

     “Who the hell are you talking to?” he asked groggily before yawning and hiding his face in his boyfriend’s chest.

     “Whoever the hell is calling me,” Gerard replied once he had recovered from the unexpected question. He was unaware of it at the moment, but this would probably prove to be the best morning of his life, simply because the sleep clouding both his and Frank’s brains prevented them from remembering the previous night just yet.

     “Who the hell would be calling you?”

     The artist rolled his eyes, then sighed as the ringtone sounded again. “I’m starting to hate that song…”

     “Why don’t you just turn it off?”

     “I don’t know where the fuck it went!”

     Frank blinked, then laughed, an action unforeseen by both of them. “You’re such an idiot sometimes…”

     “I am not! I just-” His defense trailed off as his memory explained the reason his phone was somewhere across the room. I threw it. After talking with Zach. After picking Frank up. After Kyle tried to rape him. After Kyle told him that I had raped him. Oh God… Explanation. Shit. Fuck. Damn.

     Frank’s frown returned. “Gee?” But it didn’t take long for the somber look on his boyfriend’s face to prod his memory as well, and he fell silent again. A very long silence fell over the room, neither comfortable nor awkward. It simply existed. Finally, Gerard found the will to speak.

     “Frankie… about…” His eyes slid closed out of the unconscious inability to look at Frank’s face as he spoke of such a subject. “What… what Kyle said…” He could feel the boy tense, still lying halfway on top of the older man, but he made no move to get up, and simply sat and listened. If nothing else, the previous night’s events made Frank realize that Gerard did love him, and would never intentionally hurt him… and listening to an explanation was the least he could do.

     The older man let out a long breath before continuing. “It… He was… He told the truth, Frank, but… I wasn’t… I wasn’t me.” He swallowed hard, then forced himself to go on, although his voice became unsteady. “I-I was drunk… trashed. I-I didn’t realize…w-what I was doing… until…” He trailed off, hoping to God that Frank didn‘t need to hear anymore, because he truly would lose it if he spoke another word about the incident two years ago. He received an answer in the feeling of arms tightening around his waist. Frank holding him.

     That simple action finally forced the guilt-ridden man to lose what remained of his composure.

     He held onto the smaller boy tightly, letting his tears spill onto Frank’s hair. Finally, Gerard let everything go. Cried it all out while holding onto his very own angel - his saving grace - as if his life depended on it. And Frank held him too, comfortingly rubbing his sides, whispering sweet nothings that meant everything, doing everything Gerard had ever done for him. After what felt like an eternity, both of them calmed down. The older took a deep breath as he forced himself to ask the question that terrified him more than anything else in his life thus far:

     “Do…do you hate me? I mean... could you… could you ever forgive me… for… for something like that? I. I would understand, Frank… i-if you couldn’t, but-” A finger, somehow still soft despite its red color from getting mildly burned in the shower, pressed against the older man’s lips, silencing him.

     “Gerard,” Frank calmly interjected, showing an amount of tranquility so great that it stunned the other. “I love you,” he said slowly enough to put emphasis on each word. Gerard’s breath hitched, but he nodded at length, still not quite sure where Frank was going with this.

     “So…so you do…forgive me?” An almost sad smile tugged at the corner of Frank’s lips as he kissed the other’s cheek.

     “I know I freaked out last night… I was scared… but… The truth is… after I thought about it, when we were home again, once you thought I was sleeping… I realized that… no matter what you were going to say when you explained yourself today… I had already forgiven you.”

     Gerard stared for several moments, completely at a loss for words, until he realized no words were needed. Instead, he acted on the next thought that came to his mind, and kissed Frank softly. The smaller boy melted, visibly relaxing as he kissed the older man back. Not long passed before they became lost in just kissing each other and trivial things like time no longer seemed to matter.

     “Gerard,” Frank panted after a few moments, breathless. “I…” Gerard’s eyebrows drew together as he looked down at the boy that he somehow found himself on top of. Frank took in a deep breath, face flushing, before he spoke again. “I need to know… that you’re different…” The artist frowned, unable to comprehend the meaning. Flustered, Frank sighed again and ran his hands through Gerard’s raven hair. “I need to know… that you won’t hurt me… before… before too much time passes, and I get scared again… I… I want you… to take me…”

     Gerard nodded slowly, although he miserably failed at hiding his blatant surprise which he felt at Frank’s statement. His pale hand cupped the side of his boyfriend’s cheek, tenderly running fingertips down Frank’s jaw and looking straight into his eyes. “Are you sure, Frank? We don‘t have to…” The teen merely nodded, trying to ignore his own nerves.

     “Yes…” He answered in no more than a whisper. The older nodded again and gently kissed Frank while he moved his hands up the younger boy’s shirt, gently tugging it off. Frank’s skin was marred. Cuts and bruises and scrapes littered the pale flesh. It was imperfect, and absolutely beautiful. Smiling softly, Gerard began to place light kisses down Frank’s shoulder and chest. The boy shivered and blushed lightly, but immediately tensed up when Gerard’s soft lips reached the skin on his lower abdomen.

     “Shh, Frank,” the artist soothed, not going any farther and rubbing Frank’s sides comfortingly. “Shh… I love you, remember?” Frank nodded as he took a deep breath.

     “I-I know… It’s just… every other time I’ve ever…” Gerard shook his head, leaning up and covering Frank’s mouth with a brief kiss, just enough to get him to stop talking.

     “I don’t want you to think about that, all right? Close your eyes, and listen to me…” Frank took another breath before he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck and let his eyelids close. “I love you, Frank,” the taller of the two said quietly. “I love you, and I would never hurt you. I’m going to show you that… And those people who hurt you before… they’re never coming near you again. I’d never let them… You’re safe with me, Frankie. I swear…” Not yet opening his eyes, Frank nodded to show he had heard everything, already relaxed again. “Now I just want you to think of me, all right? This is how two people show that they love each other… and that’s what we’re going to do, all right? No one’s getting hurt… We’re just loving each other…” The boy finally let his hazel eyes show again, and a mildly unidentified sense of elation filled Gerard when he saw the complete trust in those eyes.

     “I love you,” Frank whispered, sending shivers through his boyfriend’s body. Gerard smiled down at him as he brushed his lips against the smaller boy’s ear.

     “I love you too.”

     Hesitation fled, and the next unmeasured period of time became filled with passionate kisses and touches. By the time they collapsed into each other’s arms at the end of it all, Frank realized he felt truly fulfilled for the first time. Gerard had often made a habit of replacing harmful touches with his own loving ones, but there had always been certain things that Frank had not been ready for him to do. Now, every part of him had been covered in Gerard’s love, inside and out.

     Even if the monsters weren’t gone forever, Frank knew that he would always be taken care of after they attacked. Still, despite how exhausted they both were, Gerard kept whispering into his hair. Words of “I love you” and “I’ll protect you.” Each and every one of those sweet phrases that had ever comforted Frank in his times of trouble were all softly said to him again, causing countless shivers to creep through his small frame.

     “You… You know what Gerard?” The younger boy finally said after a long while of listening to the continuous stream of verbal comfort. Gerard slowly looked down at him, arching one eyebrow. “I… never thought… I’d find someone like you…” The artist tilted his head just a fraction of an inch to one side.

     “Someone like me?”

     “Yeah…” he said, cuddling closer against Gerard’s bare skin while still trying to get over the fact that he was comfortable being shirtless at all - let alone, naked - in front of him. “Someone like you… Like… someone to love me…”

     A slow, warm smile spread across Gerard’s features as he placed a feather-light kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “Well you won’t have to worry about finding anyone else, because I’ll love you forever.”

     “I’ll love you forever too, Gee…” Frank responded, kissing his lover’s chest lightly. Gerard’s smile broadened and he held the boy closer, feeling more safe and secure than he had in years, because he had finally realized that their relationship could not possibly go through much more torment than it had in the past three months of knowing each other. Although it had been hell, it only reassured his belief now. His belief, his realization, his hope when everything went horribly wrong: the knowledge that no matter what happened, they would always love each other.

     They would always be together.

     And even if he still couldn’t love himself at times, Gerard would always, always have someone to love him.

The End.

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A/N: I hoped you all enjoyed it ^_^ But I need your opinions! I had an epilogue planned, but it's really nothing plot-wise, and deals mostly with some added symbolism and some of the themes of the story... Since it doesn't really add anything to the plot, though, I was wondering if everyone thinks I should still write it? Help, please!

A/N: Happy New Year's eve everybody! I'm so sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to comment for the past couple chapters, but please know that I still appreciate them more than anything! <3 <3 <3

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     Several minutes passed before Kyle spoke, finally destroying the painful silence that had settled around the pair. “Hey, I… didn’t mean to scare you,” he explained, smiling apologetically. Instead of answering, Frank let his eyes wander around the park. There was no one else to be found, and the only things within sight were drenched blades of grass and muddy stretches of soaked ground. Not even the usual crickets were making their love songs. Despite the rain, everything seemed dead. Of course, the vacancy should have been expected. The moon rested among its brilliant blanket of stars in the blackened sky, although storm clouds made the sight seem hazy - somewhat unreal.

     Vaguely, Frank wondered how much time had passed since he had run from the apartment. He immediately regretted the decision to speculate, though, as it flooded his mind with everything that had happened at that apartment, the place of his healing and now, his undoing. All the warm laughter that used to comfort his troubled scars now seemed to only rub salt onto the wounds until they festered anew.

     “Frank?” Kyle misinterpreted the almost-glare which he received as a response. “Sorry… It is Frank, isn’t it?”

     A soft sigh escaped the younger’s lips. Is he really that fucking oblivious to the fact that he ruined my life a couple hours ago?

     Kyle closed his eyes and leaned back on the bench, behaving as if he could read the other’s thoughts. “Look, Gerard’s a bastard, okay? I know that - I’ve seen it… and I’m really sorry.” Frank glanced at the blue-eyed boy next to him, more out of morbid curiosity than anything. “I know what it’s like to get hurt by him,” Kyle continued without encouragement. “It fucking sucks, and that’s… an understatement.”

     The dark-haired teen closed his eyes, temporarily forgetting who was trying to console him, and instead letting his thoughts wander to how much it did hurt. How much he didn’t want to go on anymore. It was ironic that the same feelings circled around again - on this same bench. Maybe it’s cursed, he thought, or maybe… I’m cursed…

     Kyle’s smooth hand gently covered the top of Frank’s, painlessly easing him out of his thoughts and back to reality. Back to him. “But it’s not the end of the world,” the older nearly whispered as he absently traced over Frank’s knuckles. “There’s more to life to him, Frank. Trust me.” Blue eyes locked with hazel again in a gaze so intense that the younger had to force himself to look away. “Especially for you…” Kyle’s voice only became more gentle as he continued, appearing more disarming with every second that passed. “I mean, look at you.” Again, Frank’s confusion caused him to turn to the other.

     “You’re gorgeous, Frank.” A tentative hand reached out and delicately stroked Frank’s jaw line, a gesture that the boy nearly pulled away from simply because of its reminiscence to something Gerard had done countless times. “Shh,” Kyle soothed the moment he felt the distraught teen tense. “I’m not going to do anything,” he assured in a voice so confident that Frank nearly had to believe him. “I’m just…” He sighed and shook his head as if losing his train of thought. “God… you were so wasted on that bastard.” The fingers on Frank’s jaw slowly trailed down the side of his neck, and if the boy had not still been in such a distressed state, he would have realized something crucial:

     Everything about Kyle - the look in his eyes that betrayed his gentle tone, the way his hand moved across his skin, the way he subtly shifted closer to him on the bench - was no longer reminiscent of Gerard’s warm smiles, kind laughter, and caressing touch. Frank’s utter exhaustion, both physical and emotional, blinded him to the warning signs which he usually could pick up on within seconds.

     Kyle’s intentions were nowhere near as pure as they seemed, and Frank was too broken to notice.

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     Gerard nearly lost his composure again after a call from Mikey interrupted his search. “What do you mean none of you have seen him yet?” he nearly demanded into the phone’s receiver.

     “Gerard, I just wanted to see if you had any luck yet…”

     “Of course I fucking haven’t!”

     Mikey closed his eyes and slid his glasses off long enough to rub his tired eyes with his free hand. The boy pinched the bridge of his long nose to try and stem the flow of a headache threatening to split his skull. “Have you checked his uncle’s neighborhood yet?”

     Gerard’s breath hitching in his throat was audible, even over the phone. The search party of four had been avoiding the most important place to look, simply because they were all terrified to even think that Frank had ended up there again. But they hadn’t found him anywhere else so far…

     “Look,” Mikey spoke again, trying to keep his desperation from leaking through. “Zach’s offering to go if you won’t. He’s on the other line.”

     “No,” Gerard said, almost immediately. If Frank had ended up with his uncle again, Gerard knew that he had to be the one to get Frank out of there. Honestly, his mind could think of no veritable reason for this, but that didn’t change a thing for Gerard. It just had to be him. End of story. “No,” he repeated, more softly this time. “I’ll go… You and Zach and Alicia keep looking everywhere else, and I’ll go to his uncle’s.”

     “All right… And… Gerard?”

     “Hm?”

     “It’s… It’s going to be okay…”

     Gerard closed his eyes, just barely nodding at the statement. “Yeah,” he whispered, while mentally adding an almost desperate plea. It has to be… It has to be…

********************************

     “It’s freezing out here,” Kyle stated as he pulled the black blazer tighter around himself. Frank just shrugged a reply. Truthfully, most of his body had become numb by this point, so the poor weather wasn’t a great concern. “You live with him, right?” Although he winced at the unexpected reminder of his boyfriend, the teen nodded. “Well, you obviously can’t go back there, and you’ll die if you stay out here all night…” He paused, as if contemplating, not knowing that the death he mentioned was mirrored in Frank’s twisted thoughts. “Why don’t you come back to my place?”

     Frank’s stomach clenched. With everything that had happened within the past few hours, he had nearly forgotten that he had much more traumatic memories, all neatly tucked away in his memory from years ago. The odd parallels between Kyle and his uncle were suddenly all painfully obvious, blaring their vicious headlights into his tired, swollen eyes. The shock from never seeing it overwhelmed him so greatly that he was not even aware of how he shook his head in a negative answer to Kyle’s question. The older frowned, still trying to look innocent enough.

     “What? Why not?” Frank couldn’t answer. He was too busy trying to convince himself that he was just being paranoid. “Frank, come on… You’ll freeze to death out here.” He reached to touch Frank’s hand again, except this time the boy jerked away so quickly he nearly lost his balance on the slippery wooden bench. Kyle blinked, looking more confused than anything, before his frustration started to show. “What’s wrong with you?” He asked, making Frank flinch at the sharp edge in his voice.

     “I-I have to go,” the younger managed to choke out as he rose to his feet on unsteady legs.

     “No, you don’t.” Frank turned to leave as quickly as possible, but was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to go anywhere.” The boy’s eyes squeezed shut as Kyle turned him back around.

     “Kyle…” He opened his eyes again, only to wish that he hadn’t. A menacing glare met his frightened hazel orbs in proof that all of Kyle’s attempts at charm and sympathy had completely vanished. The storm fog descended upon the grass and Frank felt trapped inside the little pocket of air containing himself and Kyle.

     “Don’t give me that look,” the older commanded. “I don’t get what’s wrong with you. All I want to do is help.”

     Although his tone was now blatantly irritated, Kyle’s voice still sounded strangely sincere. Frank shook his head and pulled away as, once again, nothing made sense. He… he must… not be right in his head somehow… He’s not right…

     “Why won’t you just come with me?” the sandy-haired man asked again, drawing his own conclusions when he received no reply. “Don’t tell me it’s because of him.” The tone in Kyle’s voice showed obvious disgust, much akin to Frank’s father’s voice when he had spoken his last words to his son. The younger of the two tried to flinch away, but Kyle’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder stopped him yet again. His grip was as strong and iron-like as Gerard’s, but something was horrible different. It was not Gerard’s arms comfortingly locked around him at night, protecting him from all the monsters. It was a chain.

     “That’s what it is, isn’t it?” the man continued. “You still fucking love him! Even after what he did!” Kyle tightened his eyes. Things weren’t working out. It wasn’t supposed to go like this… He’s supposed to hate him now. He’s supposed to hate him so Gerard will be miserable. So he’ll know what it’s like to lose someone. He became so engrossed in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear what Frank said until he repeated himself, voice nothing more than a whisper carried, by chance, to his ears on the wind.

     “H-He didn’t… do anything… to me…”

     Kyle blinked, then stared, his hand unconsciously tightening on the smaller boy‘s shoulder as a million thoughts tumbled inside his head. Before either of them actually registered what was happening, Kyle had Frank on the ground, pinned beneath him. The younger let out an instinctive yell, only to be silenced by a hand clamping roughly over his mouth. Not that it mattered anyway; there was no one in sight as far as either of them could see.

     Everything from then on happened all too fast.

     Kyle’s hands searched everywhere, running up under the boy’s shirt and then back down to the belt on his pants. Tears streamed down Frank’s cheeks as his desperately tried to pull away from the man over him, yet only succeeding in sinking further into the muddy ground. Broken pleas were stifled with rough, forceful kisses and swallowed by grunting moans which seemed to only flourish the more Frank struggled. Hazel eyes squeezed shut as Frank tried to shut himself off from everything in the same way he had done every night years ago. The brick wall was slowly reconstructing itself, stone by stone.

     His already exhausted body was only vaguely aware of everything: of the sharp pain in his neck that made him cry out when Kyle nipped at his skin hard enough to draw blood, of the chinking sound of metal as his belt was removed and tossed carelessly into the wet grass, of all the horrible things his attacker was murmuring the entire time in the husky voice of a man enjoying the feast laid before him.

     Doing his absolute best to lock himself inside his own head, Frank decided that he was truly doomed. Even with his uncle gone, he would always be hurt. Be treated not as human, but a toy - something for other’s pleasure. Be forced to try to survive through each day as his already shattered soul chipped away bit by bit.

     Soon there would be nothing left.

     He finally accepted his fate, and stopped struggling. There was no use in fighting anymore, and maybe if he just lied there, he would receive an early end to his masochistic life. The teen was no longer aware of what was happening, until the weight on his stomach suddenly disappeared. Still too terrified to open his eyes, Frank remained on the ground, completely still except for the uncontrollable shaking that wracked his abused body. His eyes flew open without warning, however, when he heard a wonderfully familiar voice full of anger he should have been frightened of, but somehow… wasn’t…

     “You bastard!” Gerard screamed, towering over Kyle, who lied motionless on the ground as he gasped to catch his breath. The artist decided against giving him the chance, and kicked his ex-boyfriend as hard as possible in the stomach once again. Frank cringed as he heard the rush of air fleeing Kyle’s lungs and the crunch of boot hitting bone. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” The eldest of the three continued, only encouraged by the contortion of pain on Kyle’s face. “I’ll fucking murder you!”

     “G-Gee…” The black-haired man had been expecting - and planning to ignore - protests from Kyle, but the single word from Frank made him stop immediately. Remembering what was truly important, Gerard rushed to Frank’s side and gathered him in his arms as quickly as possible. Frank clung to his boyfriend while he freely cried into his shoulder, all previous heartache forgotten.

     “S-Shh, Frankie… Shh, baby…” Gerard soothed as comfortingly as possible, considering that he was shaking just as badly as Frank. “I-I’m here now… Gee’s here…” The boy nodded weakly before he leaned into Gerard’s hand to let the older man wipe his tears. “It’s okay… You’re okay…” The older continued to whisper, gentle hands straightening Frank’s clothes, wiping away all lingering traces of Kyle. “Come on… Let’s go home.” The suggestion had the slightest hint of a question mark at the end, the only proof of Gerard’s lingering doubt. A single nod from Frank easily cleared said uncertainty, and the artist stood up, cradling the smaller boy against his chest.

     Getting Frank out is most important, he told himself as he caught sight of Kyle once more. You don’t have time now. Sighing, he simply spoke to the blue-eyed man who had risen to his feet again. “I can’t believe I ever loved a monster like you.”

     Kyle laughed shortly, his former arrogance showing through as it had in Gerard’s apartment. “I’m no more of a monster than you are.”

     The words took Gerard off guard, and he flinched so visibly that Frank could feel it in the arms encircling his frame. Kyle simply looked at them, having somehow found the gall to appear triumphant. The omnipresent rain carried a thick silence down with its drops as neither dared to move. Finally, Frank spoke, ignoring the feeling in his sore throat that that felt like barbed wire scraping over his sensitive skin:

     “N-No.”

     The confirmation of loyalty which the single word held caused both men to look at Frank, who simply glared at Kyle. Gerard nodded slowly at length when he protectively tightened his hold on the shattered boy that had entered his life under the worst of circumstances. Refusing to even give Kyle the courtesy of a parting glance, the pair left.

     Left the man who had tried to tear them apart again.

     Left the park that had witnessed more horrors than imaginable.

     Left the silent trees to whisper their secrets to the wind.

     Left their final obstacle - the last piece of Gerard’s past that had always been lurking in the shadows, threatening to destroy them one day.

     They left it all behind, wanting nothing more than to go back to their only piece of heaven in the middle of Frank’s living hell. And as they walked, Gerard silently swore to explain everything. Explain everything, refuse to hide, and mostly importantly, keep Frank safe. He had a second chance now - one that he vowed not to waste.

     I’m going to keep you safe, Frank Iero. I’ll do everything I can to make up for this, and no one will ever hurt you again. I won’t let them... ever again.

Next Chapter

A/N: Just so everyone knows, this story is winding down! Probably... four to six chapters to go! Thank you again to everyone who has supported me and this fic! <3 <3 <3

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     Outside, the rain poured.

     It wasn’t the romantic pouring where the droplets would trickle down the window glass and glisten on the wooden frame. It was heavy and smelled faintly of salt. Thick curtains of precipitation plummeted from the darkened clouds, mixing with the tears streaming down the boy’s face. Frank looked like a wreck. Disheveled hair, streaky, smudged eyeliner, and soaked-through clothes all complemented his ruined appearance, reflecting the shredded feel of his bruised heart. He looked like a wreck, but that was a horrifyingly great understatement compared to how he truly felt inside.

     His life, his world, his love… They were all gone. They had all been a lie. Nothing but a dirty, rotten, fucking lie. H-He told me…h-he loved me… Frank’s head was still spinning from the confrontation. G-Gee would never…But he admitted to it! Groaning, the shaken teen sank to a bench in the park he had wandered into, fingertips grasping uselessly at his drenched hair. It… It doesn’t… It doesn’t make sense! Except…that he really did lie… H-He lied to me… The boy could have never imagined a more brutal ending to his month of happiness. Which, sadly, he thought might have turned into a lifetime.

     His whole life had become dependent on Gerard. That man had saved him. Saved him, loved him, taught him how to smile again, taught him how to live, but it had been an act all along. A lie. Frank’s hope was gone now; Gerard had killed it -- ripped out his heart and stepped on it, leaving it to finally stop beating in the rain-soaked mud. The stitches that Gerard had meticulously, patiently, and artfully sewn onto each one of his emotional wounds were coming undone, viciously torn out of his skin by those three words. “He raped me.” Just three words, but they changed everything. Frank had thought another set of three words, “I love you.” had changed something, too. But he had been wrong. They were all lies.

     The entire scene replayed in his head again and again, until he became so lost in thought that he barely noticed the sting of ice-cold rain as it battered his eyeliner-streaked cheeks. All he could see was Kyle’s face as he spoke -- not the sun setting behind the clouds as night set in. All he could hear were those three sickening words. It took several minutes for Frank to rouse himself back to awareness, and that’s when he realized it.

     He was in the exact same spot where he had tried to kill himself months ago.

     He knew his life should have been over then, but Gerard saved it, only to have this happen. Only to hurt Frank deeper than he had ever been wounded. Maybe it’s a sign from God, he pondered, morosely. Maybe I never deserved a second chance in the first place, and He just did this to punish me. Yeah. That makes sense. Why wouldn’t God want to punish the worthless faggot? He squeezed his eyes shut at the thought, stung with the honesty of his own thoughts.

     Things had come full circle again.

     Now he had a choice to make.

     Succeed at slashing his wrists this time, presumably sending him to hell. Or continue to live in his own personal hell, so finely crafted for a wretch like himself.

     He honestly could see no difference between them.

**************************************************

     A sudden knock at the ajar door would have nearly made Gerard jump out of his skin, if he were not in such a tormented state. His younger brother frowned as the door swung further open on its own with the impact of the rapping. “Gerard?” he called into the apartment, cautiously stepping inside. The older of the Ways had not moved from his previous spot, huddled in rumpled black dress clothes among a mass of torn, white pages dotted with tears a few spots of blood -- from where Frank had most likely gotten a paper cut. For the first moment, Mikey felt no confusion. There were no questions of why or how this had happened, but instead, he just stood in the doorway and stared at the tragic sight. His brother was broken again, although he had sworn that he would never let that happen. Snapped out of his daze by a sound much like ripping silk coming from Gerard’s throat, Mikey rushed forward to kneel by the older man’s side.

     “Gerard?” he asked, tentatively shaking the other’s shoulder. The severity of Gerard’s startled reaction was enough to make Mikey jump back, while his heart nearly pounded out of his chest. “Gee?” he said again, breathlessly, as an onslaught of unanswered questions began to flood his mind. The artist merely stared up at him for a moment before weakly shaking his head. Mikey still had no idea what was going on, but he already felt sick. This wasn’t Gerard. This wasn’t his Gerard. This was the Gerard he had visited in the hospital two years ago: the Gerard that was supposed to be gone now.

     “Hey, hey,” Mikey nearly whispered, his voice dropping down to a softer level, almost cooing, afraid to frighten Gerard further. “What happened? What’s all this?” He gestured to the papers on the floor. “Gee, what the fuck is going on?”

     Gerard swallowed hard to keep down the bile that had risen in his throat once more before shakily answering. “Kyle… came back…”

     Mikey didn’t need to hear any more than that to put the rest of the pieces together.

     “Fuck,” the younger man swore, almost kicking the wall in frustration. Even when Kyle and Gerard had once been happy together, Mikey had always hated him. There had never been a specific event that helped Mikey make up his mind on the ex-boyfriend. But he never sat well with the man, and frankly, he didn’t ever have the desire to try. Now, this had happened. Pretentious, sadistic little bastard. I’ll kill him myself. “So it’s safe to assume he didn’t tell the rest of the story?” His older brother didn’t answer, which prompted the younger to continue. “He didn’t tell Frank that you were completely wasted? That you had no idea what the fuck you were doing? You barely even remember it, Gerard!” Still, no reply came.

     Mikey groaned, walking into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. Gerard followed after a couple minutes of awkward silence, choosing the seat across from his brother. The younger of the Ways let out a long sigh, ran both hands through his hair - a nervous habit that seemed to run in the family - then spoke again at length, his voice quiet, but not something to be ignored. “He didn’t tell Frank that, did he? That you didn’t know what you were doing?” The raven-haired man shook his head, letting stringy locks shield those troubled eyes. Mikey simply nodded, although he had not needed an answer in the first place. Kyle had never been fair. Mikey knew he had a right to be angry, to be hurt; but coming back and wrecking his brother’s life now, when everything was finally okay again… That was just cruel. Especially under the circumstances.

     “Gerard,” Mikey sighed. “I know… I know what you did. And that you feel horrible about it, and haven’t stopped beating yourself up about it for the past two years. But there’s nothing more you can do! You were drunk. So you stopped drinking. You haven’t touched alcohol in two years…as far as I know, anyway,” he added as an afterthought, making a mental note of the time his brother had gone to the bar with Zach without letting him know. “You’ve done everything you could. There’s nothing you can do now… It’s over. Can’t you realize that?”

     The brown-haired boy sighed at his own words. He was not condoning something as horrible as rape at all, and he hoped to God it didn’t sound like he was. However, this was a different situation. What happened to Kyle hadn’t been intentional -- it had been the result of too much drinking. It’s not like Gerard’s some rapist… Some sick bastard like Frank’s- Mikey’s thoughts stopped dead. Head snapping up, he stared at his brother with urgent eyes. “Where’s Frank?”

     Gerard blinked, perplexed by the pressing tone behind the statement. “I… don’t know. He left… a while ago…”

     “You let him just leave?!” The other shouted, standing up so fast that his chair nearly toppled behind him, scraping across the faded linoleum. “How long has he been out there?”

     “Mikey, calm down,” Gerard said as he finally began to gain control of his own emotions. “It’s not like… he would have stayed here with me.” The statement left a horrible taste in the back of his mouth, but it was the truth.

     “Well no fucking duh,” the younger shot back, almost angrily. “But he’s out there. Alone. And you know who else is out there, Gerard?” The older man blinked again. By now he had realized that he must be missing something completely obvious, but his mind was still too clouded to realize what it was and too tired to even try to figure it out. Mikey groaned, simply because he could not comprehend how incredibly dense his brother could be at times. “His uncle! What if he finds him again?!”

     Gerard’s stomach flipped. Despite everything that had happened in the past few hours, he suddenly felt more sick than he had been all night. “Oh, no… No no no… That can’t happen. It… It won’t,” he finished firmly, trying to convince himself more than anything else.

     “You don’t know that,” Mikey sighed. “We have to go look for him. Now. Even if he still never wants to see you again,” The casual comment made Gerard visibly flinch, but Mikey continued, undaunted. “Even if it’s something like that, we have to find him anyway. He can stay with me and Alicia again… or something. I don’t care. We just can’t let him be out by himself.”

     Gerard hesitated, then shook his head a little. “I… I can’t. He hates me now, Mikey.” His voice sounded only a little stronger than a whimper. The younger Way’s tone turned to anger again, as his voice had been when he had once talked Gerard into letting himself be with Frank.

     “Does he really not mean anything to you?” Gerard stared, and Mikey started to pace around the kitchen. “Don’t you think he deserves an explanation, Gerard? I don’t know if you’ve realized it yet, but he fucking loves you! You saved him, and he loves you for that! Now you’re going to let your bastard of an ex-boyfriend -- who, by the way, you never should have gone out with in the first place -- come in and ruin his happiness? And even aside from that, he could be in danger right now! You told me his uncle doesn’t live that far from here; are you going to risk him getting hurt again? Stop being so selfish! I don’t care if you feel like shit, and you can’t face him again, or whatever. He deserves an explanation, and he deserves to be kept safe. If you won’t do that for him, then I will.”

     He finally paused, just long enough to take a breath, exhale slowly, and calm himself down a bit. “But it wouldn’t mean half as much if it came from me, instead of you,” he finished quietly, letting his words hang in the air and hoping Gerard would let them inside of that thick skull of his.

     Gerard closed his eyes, hating to admit that his brother was right, yet again. This wasn’t about him and his stupid mistakes anymore. This was about Frank now. Even if Frank chose to hate him anyway, he at least deserved to know what really happened. “All right,” he finally murmured. “I’ll… I’ll find him, and tell him… what happened…” He was sincere, even though the mere thought of talking to Frank about what he had done to Kyle made him nauseous.

     Mikey had always said that since Gerard had not been aware of what he was doing, it wasn’t as bad somehow. That it had only been because he was drunk, and since Gerard had stopped drinking, he had done all he could. That knowledge didn’t change anything in Gerard’s head, though. Deep down, Gerard knew that he was no better than Frank’s uncle, or any other bastard of the same kind. He knew he deserved to be hated, but Frank didn’t. Frank deserved love and care and protection, and one thing he definitely didn’t deserve was to have his happiness stolen from him now.

     That’s one thing Mikey was right about. Frank didn’t deserve any of this, and the mere thought of that was enough to make Gerard vow that he was going to make everything right again. Somehow.

     So lost in his own thought, Gerard failed to notice that Mikey had stolen his cell phone. “Hey, what are you doing?” he asked, watching his younger brother scroll through the contact list, muttering either curses or prayers under his breath.

     “Calling Zach,” Mikey murmured, although he still couldn’t stand Gerard’s red-haired coworker. “The more people we have looking for him, the better,” he simply stated before pressing the send button and disappearing down the hall. The artist wandered around the kitchen and living room nervously, picking things up randomly then putting them back down with no knowledge of doing so, until the brown-haired boy reappeared a couple minutes later. “All right,” he began. “I called Alicia and Zach; they’re both going out to look for him. Now me and you are going to.” He grabbed Gerard’s black jacket off the back of a chair and threw it at the other. The older Way easily caught it, absently listening to Mikey continue speaking as he slipped it on.

     “I’ll go across town, and you search closer to here. He’s probably not that far.” Gerard nodded his agreement while he picked up his car keys.

     “Mikey?” he asked when his younger brother was already halfway out the front door. The lanky boy turned his head, but was obviously ready to start searching as soon as possible. Gerard bit down on his lip and proceeded to gnaw on the right side, not even realizing how he had subconsciously picked up the habit from Frank. “Thanks… I mean, for everything…” he muttered, partly unable to grasp what he truly wanted to say. Mikey just nodded, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips, before he continued the walk out to his car. The elder quickly followed, and although he had always doubted religion, he found himself praying to the darkened heavens that everything would be all right again.

*******************************

     The rain refused to slow.

     Countless tears pouring from the velvet sky vainly attempted to wash away everything. To make everything clean again. Frank still sat on the bench in the park, so lost inside the mazes of questions and doubts inside his mind that he barely noticed the continuous onslaught of water all around him. The two choices which he had previously decided upon were still battling against each other in his mind, uselessly fighting pros against cons. Either way, he would be numb. Did the rest really matter that much?

     A long sigh escaped the boy’s lips, just before he was brought back to reality by a hand on his shoulder. He had to stifle a yelp of surprise, as he had been completely unaware of the person who had been sitting next to him for several minutes. Slowly looking up, hazel eyes met with bright blue. Frank blinked, then let his eyes travel down the rest of the figure. As the teen slowly came back to reality, most of his thoughts receded to the back of his mind, allowing him to use what little reasoning power he had left to decipher the answer to the question at hand:

     What the fuck is Kyle doing here?

 

Next Chapter

I'm back! The story isn't dead, I swear! School's been overwhelming, but  my love for poseys_demise caused me to finally get off my ass and write again! I love you all! 

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     “K-Kyle.”

     Kyle smirked, showing the tiniest bit of his perfectly white teeth as he stood. “What’s the matter, Gerard? Not happy to see me?” His seemingly innocent tone didn’t reach the bright blue eyes. Frank’s frowned deepened while he slowly gathered the courage to step between his boyfriend and the unidentified intruder.

     “How did you get in here?” The teen asked, keeping his voice even; there was no reason to overreact. Not yet, anyway.

     “I have a key.” The statement would not have taken Frank so off-guard if it had not been for the incredibly blunt tone that laced Kyle’s voice.

     “You… H-How?” Feeling more confused with each passing moment, the boy turned back around to look at Gerard, who was gradually gaining composure again.

     “What?” Kyle asked as he leaned back against the beige wall with his arms folded across his chest and an amused smile playing with the corner of his lips. “Gerard’s never told you about me?”

     “Shut up, Kyle.” Gerard hissed in a tone more venomous than Frank would have ever thought possible. Even though the statement had not been directed at him, the harsh timbre of his boyfriend’s voice made Frank flinch like he had touched fire.

     Something was wrong.

     Something was very wrong.

     Kyle glared daggers at Gerard over Frank’s shoulder, letting the innocent, nonchalant mask drop. “You’re going to tell me what to do? After the hell you’ve put me through?” The oldest of the three squeezed his eyes shut, blatantly having the confidence that he had acquired ripped out from under him.

     “G-Gee…” Frank’s barely audible plea caused Kyle to frown - a frown which very slowly changed into a nasty leer.

     “So he’s the next one you’re going to take advantage of? Pity.” The pair froze in unison, and Gerard felt bile rise in the back of his throat, burning its way up and then falling back down, only to rest on his quivering heart. 

     In the same way that Kyle’s frown had morphed to a smirk, Frank’s initial shocked quickly transformed into an annoyed scowl -- a face he wasn’t used to making. “Take advantage of? What the fuck are you talking about?” Kyle didn’t bother to answer him, and instead watched Gerard, who has closed his eyes against this exchange. “Gee?” he prodded once more, this time softer. “What’s he talking about?” The puzzled boy received no reply again, which did nothing to put Frank at ease. Sighing, he concluded that nothing had changed: He would get no answers from Gerard. “You’re crazy,” he said in a flat tone, directing his attention back to Kyle.

     The underlying spite in Kyle’s responding snicker only caused Frank’s glare to darken. “You really have no idea, do you?” The youngest blinked, confusion slowly covering up his new-found fear. Kyle sighed, shook his head, and started walking towards him. “And you’re even standing up for him… How sad…” Frank did not reply, too wrapped up in his own fragmented thoughts. “And you’re a cute one, too,” the gentle tone set in yet again. A delicate hand reached out to touch Frank’s hair, but was stopped midway by a much paler hand clamping down on his wrist.

     “Don’t you dare touch him,” Gerard nearly growled, his lips pulled back in a vicious snarl. Frank stiffened and stepped back a little. He knew that his lover was only trying to protect him, but it was not enough to change the fact that he was becoming frightening in doing so.

     “Don’t you fucking touch me,” Kyle hatefully shot back as he jerked his wrist away from the other’s vice-like grip.

     The artist stepped back a bit before finally finding his words. “What are you doing here? Why the fuck would you come back?”

     “Actually, I heard from some of our old friends that you had actually gotten another boyfriend. Just came to see how things were.”

     “Bullshit.”

     “All right, all right. But not completely. I just came to warn him. Isn’t that only fair?” The question was punctuated with the raise of a single eyebrow, and Gerard felt sick again. Frank sighed, trying to dispel his frustration, confusion, and terror. He needed answers.

     “Kyle,” the smaller boy interrupted the silence with an unpleasant tone. “Could you just fucking say it already?” More than anything, he wanted to write Kyle off as nothing major - just a crazy ex-boyfriend who was still sore after the breakup, or something else along those lines - but Gerard’s reactions were proof that there was more to this situation than he currently saw. Kyle stood up straight, no longer using the wall as a support, glanced at Gerard, and then let his cool, unwavering gaze fall back onto the teen.

     “He raped me.”

     A thick, suffocating silence fell over the room. Agonizing seconds passed by, torturing the already damaged couple even further. Just like all those times before, everything had fallen apart as soon as it had finally seemed all right. It appeared that happiness was something out of reach for them. Temporary bursts of contentment were all they could ever have.

     They were doomed.

     Frank’s disbelief was unable to be expressed with words, so he did the only thing he felt he could and cast a pleading glance at his boyfriend, hoping that man would say something - anything - to make Kyle’s words a lie.

     Gerard was looking away, unable to handle the hurt and shock that he was certain filled Frank’s beautiful eyes. He wanted to run, wanted to disappear, wanted to fade away, but none of those options were possible… They had never been possible. He was forced to stand rooted to his spot, visibly wincing when he heard Frank’s dedicated words, covered in a tone of shaken loyalty. “Y-You’re lying…”

     Kyle smirked, enjoying the grief-stricken expression on his ex-boyfriend’s face. You ruined my life, motherfucker. See how it feels… Gerard’s voice was non-existent. It had been taken away, stolen by the overwhelming sense of horror that consumed him. He absently felt Frank’s hand on his arm, vaguely heard his weak protests, but had become too lost within his own head to answer, too wrapped up in old memories and forgotten touches.

     “T-Tell me he’s lying!” The frantic, tear-choked command finally broke through to Gerard. The older man just shook his head weakly, finally coming to realization that he could no longer hide. The way Frank froze allowed a few more moments of the torturous silence to cover the room before all hell broke loose. “W-What?! Y-You’re lying!”

     “F-Frank,” Gerard tried to interrupt, but the younger shook his head, shutting his teary eyes.

     “I-Is it true o-or isn’t it?” he stammered over his words while failing to ignore the feeling that his whole world was shutting down around him -- his solid, protective walls were crumbling. The artist swallowed, hesitated, then nodded, just barely enough to be seen.

     “Y-Yes…” The confirmation was inaudible; Gerard was only able to move his trembling lips in the affirmative. If Frank had not been able to read the other’s silent words, he would have still been in need of an answer. But now that he had received said answer, all he wanted was to go back to before he had ever heard it.

     To before this night.

     To before this month.

     To before he had fallen in love.

     He…He wouldn’t… Frank fruitlessly tried to rationalize the situation. H-He would never… But he did… H-He even says he did! Tricked me… W-Would he have…? Despair converted to anger. Broken whispers transformed into yells. “How could you?! I-I thought you were good, Gerard! I thought you loved me!”

     Gerard’s stomach dropped, and the sheer shock of hearing that statement jolted him from his wordless state. “What?! Frank, I-I do! I love you!”

     Frank’s hazel eyes glared, smoldering beneath their veil of tears. “L-Like hell you do. You don’t love me. You’re no different than him.” Gerard’s eyes squeezed shut, trying to shut out the knowledge of who he was. His uncle… He… He thinks I’m like him… He sees us the same way… N-No… I love him… I would never… ever…

     “Frank…” Too guilty and ashamed to even open his eyes, Gerard heard only paper tearing in response. Perplexity flittered across his overwhelmed mind, but realization set in when he opened his eyes and they drifted to the pages on the floor. Torn, empty pages from Frank’s new journal. A few were dotted with the teen’s tears as he stood above them, staring. A single salty drop trailed down his perfect skin and landed with finality on the floor.

     A horribly symbolic ending.

     This was the end of everything.

     Frank would leave. He would run, and he would never come back.

     Gerard looked away as the thoughts filled his mind, and he wanted nothing more than to run himself. He hates you now… Y-You’re a monster… He hates you. Silence had once been a comfort between the two boys, but now it was a smothering cloud of empty promises and broken vows. Frank couldn’t breathe, while Gerard didn’t dare try. Kyle seemed to be the only one able to function - even more than function - he was enjoying it. He felt a sick sort of pleasure at being able to wreck Gerard’s life, at finally able to get some sort of revenge. He was finally able to see the man’s eyes fill with tears of physical pain at having his own heart being torn apart.

     Suddenly, the sound of a footstep was heard, causing a deafening noise, although it barely made a sound at all, in reality. Frank had stepped backward, away from Gerard. The older opened his mouth to stop him. To ask - no, to beg for him to stay, but no words came out. Just the thick bile rose in his throat once more, choking off all possible pleas. As Frank’s shaking hands lost their grip on the remains of the destroyed journal, it plummeted to the floor, landing in ruin among the sea of its wrecked pages. He swallowed hard, spared his lover one last, heart-wrenching glance, and rushed out the door. He did not care that he had no idea where he was going. He didn’t have time to care. He just had to get out. Had to leave. Had to get away.

     Gerard sank to his knees, unaware of the tears streaming down his own face. Despair was a far too modest word for describing his emotional state. There was truly nothing left. Frank was his everything, and now Frank was gone. Pale, shaking hands covered his face as he cried, genuinely hopeless. The light he had found in Frank’s smile was burned out; the love he had cherished from Frank’s heart was torn to shreds; and the peace that had covered them in the blissful moments of shared kisses was never to be seen again. There’s nothing… nothing without him… The figurative shroud of misery draped around him so tightly that he didn’t even notice Kyle leaving the apartment, a sickeningly sadistic smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

Next Chapter

Title: Scarlet Moon
Author: coldestxheart 
Pairing: FrankxGerard
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Blood, death.
Disclaimer: This is purely fiction, and it not meant to offend or hurt anyone, especially Frank or Gerard.
Summary: Gerard had always believed that the moonlight could wash anything away… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     He was beautiful.

     Gerard simply had to smile as his eyes fell upon the teenage boy in the middle of the open field. The onyx canvas of sky, pinpricked with glimmers of starlight, stretched endlessly above him. A gentle breeze swept over the meadow, bending the lush blades of grass and playfully tossing Frank’s dark hair. Above all, the waxy beams of light emitted by the bulging moon increased the unmistakable splendor of the scene.

     It washed everything in its pale light, even making the withered, decayed fall leaves appear beautiful again. A resurrection. Gerard found himself all too-aware of the moonlight’s effects. Although unable to truly change the composition of something, it seemed that its immense purity could wash anything away. Make even the most worn and rejected objects clean again.

     “Frank,” the older man said softly to the teen’s back. Since the boy still stood a while away, the wind carried the artist’s voice off toward the surrounding barrier of trees before it could reach the other. When he finally approached the tattooed boy, a frown creased Gerard’s graceful features. “Frankie?” he asked again as he tapped his boyfriend on the shoulder.

     Instead of replying, Frank collapsed.

     At that moment, a paralyzing sense of sheer horror overwhelmed Gerard. His usually melodious voice instantly died in his throat, choked by the winding thorns of shock that ensnared him, and the only sound produced resembled a small, strangled cry. The freely flowing blood from the slashes in Frank’s wrists concealed the entirety of his slender forearms. The front of the boy’s shirt was drenched, forever stained by the scarlet substance.

     It was too late. The amount of blood soaking Frank’s clothes alone proved that he had a few precious moments of life left at most. Gerard stared, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to make some fruitless attempt at saving his only love. He stood rooted to the same spot as he cradled his boyfriend in his arms, hearing his last words -- a whispered “I love you” -- escape his lips alone with his final, gasping breath.

     Then he was gone. Leaving Gerard alone with the lifeless shell that had once contained Frank’s beautiful, yet troubled soul. Leaving him to fight the world on his own now. Leaving him without a lover, without a friend. But above all, leaving him with the scarring memory of his lover’s blood on his hands:

     An everlasting stain that no amount of moonlight could ever wash away.

A/N: Crazy crazyness lately! Thank you to all who have stuck with me and supported me so far. I love you :D <3

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     Time flew by again. The next few weeks appeared to be only a few fleeting moments of happiness that rushed past the couple before they could realize what had happened. Their days were blissfully uneventful, becoming quickly filled with a mediocrity that no other pair would be thankful for. But they were grateful, more than anything, because they were okay. Through the quiet evenings watching television, wrapped in each other’s arms; through the monotonous trips to Walmart; through the tranquil nights of peaceful sleep, they were okay.

     And that was all that mattered.

     “Aren’t you ready yet?” Frank called with an exasperated sigh. “You’re like a fucking girl, Gerard! The night’s going to be over before we even leave!” Gerard laughed softly from where he stood in the bedroom, a genuine smile gracing his lips.

     “Like I would ever pass up our one month,” Gerard scoffed while putting the final touch-ups on his eyeliner. The boy closed his eyes and shivered when he heard the phrase again. One month… I’ve spent a whole month with him… The thought still floored Frank. The fact that Gerard had stayed with him, loved him, and taken care of him for this long … It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. No one’s ever loved me like this, or… at all… No one’s- His train of thought was abruptly cut off when his boyfriend came out of the bedroom, looking nothing less than gorgeous.

     Frank’s eyes widened as he took in Gerard’s appearance: from the dark tailored suit coat and red silk tie, to the black button down shirt paired with smooth, pressed pants, to the polished black shoes, and then back up to his arms, which were suspiciously held behind his back. “Gerard?” he asked, craning his neck to try to see what was in the other’s hands. The older man simply laughed softly before he placed a warm kiss on his lover’s lips. Frank nearly melted while he returned the kiss, arms wrapping around Gerard’s neck as if they had a mind of their own.

     Gerard smiled against the boy’s lips and pulled back. “Ready for a fantastic night?” Frank nearly grinned as he nodded his reply, temporarily distracted from whatever Gerard was keeping secret. “Good! Because this is going to be the best night either of us has ever had.”

     Frank’s eyes brightened while he leaned against the taller man. “You never did tell me where we were going,” he casually reminded. Gerard shrugged, although the expression on his face completely undermined any attempt of appearing nonchalant. “Oh, come on!” Frank laughed, nearly bouncing on his heels for a short moment.

     The artist laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners from his wide grin, placing a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “Well… I heard so many good things about that restaurant that I treated Mikey and Alicia to that I figured it would be a good start.”

     Frank raised an eyebrow a fraction of an inch. “Are you sure about that? Mr. ‘My-salary-forces-me-to-live-on-ramen-noodles’?”

     Gerard scowled, then playfully tickled Frank’s side, earning a squeal. “Way to just ruin my attempt at being romantic…” Frank smiled sweetly in response before he stood on his tip toes.

     The pair fell into kissing for several more minutes, until the younger finally pulled away with a grin. “How’s that for romantic?” Gerard only laughed, shaking his head. Seconds later, the conversation backtracked to the topic of Frank’s curiosity. “What are you hiding?” he asked after several minutes of resisting to verbalize the question.

     Considering that he had almost forgotten about the gift, the inquiry surprised Gerard, causing his gorgeous grin to appear again. “Nothing.”

     “Bullshit!” Frank laughed and tried to grab what was in Gerard’s hands, only to have it pulled out of his reach. A flash of black and white caught his eye, although the object itself remained elusive. Sighing in defeat at the considerable height difference between himself and Gerard, Frank stubbornly turned around, his bottom lip jutting out in a precious pout. “Fine. Don’t tell me then…”

     The older only laughed and kissed his cheek. “Close your eyes…” His voice was soft and oddly sensual as he rested his chin on the boy’s shoulder. “Now turn around…”

     Outwardly suspicious, yet inwardly smiling, the teen complied. Seconds later, an item was placed in his hands; he opened his eyes again and found himself gazing down at a journal. It was the same size as his current one, the front cover decorated in diagonal black and white stripes - the same pattern on the sleeves of his favorite shirt.

     His jaw slacked a little as his fingertips glided over the smooth leather. “For…me?” Even though Frank’s voice was quiet, his subdued tone was from wonder, not insecurity or fear, as it had been at previous times.

     “Yes, for you,” Gerard nodded. “I figured your old one has a lot of bad stuff in it.” Frank looked up at him with slightly wide eyes, but the man continued as if he hadn’t noticed. “I mean… you’ve had it through all your years of shit… But… things are going to be better now, you know?” He smiled warmly at the boy before going on. “Me and you… Things are going to be a lot better for both of us, now. It’s only fair that you have some place to write down all your good memories too, right?” Gerard tilted his head, cupping his boyfriend’s cheek and caressing the delicate jaw-line.

     Frank stared at the other, completely shocked. Is he…serious? His surprised gaze drifted back down to the journal in his hands as unexplained tears stung the back of his eyes. That… Really?

     Growing concerned at the teen’s silent reaction, Gerard prodded, “You all right, Fra-?” The question was cut short when Gerard’s attention had to be completely focused on staying upright after Frank nearly tackled him in a hug.

     “Thank you…” The words were still in only a whisper, but filled with so much emotion it almost made Gerard start tearing up - something that Frank was already doing. Gerard’s words were overwhelming the small boy much more than the heartfelt gesture of buying him a new diary. “Things are going to be a lot better for both of us, now.” Just over a dozen words held more meaning than conversations that had lingered on for hours. He replayed the softly spoken sentence in his head again and again, grasping the memory as if it would slip away at any moment. 

     His vice-like grip on the older man slowly relaxed as he became lost in an endless maze of thoughts. However, for the first time in his life, Frank actually welcomed distractions wrought from his own memory. It was as if his mind was like a blank page in his new journal - ready to begin anew.  

     “D-Do you promise…?” the boy finally asked, voice muffled by the comforting scent which the fabric of Gerard’s familiar dress shirt held.

     The man smiled warmly before he placed a soft kiss on the top of his boyfriend’s head. “With all my heart, Frankie…” The teen looked up, grinning despite the tears that shimmered in his hazel eyes. He stood up on his tiptoes to kiss Gerard, and then he said the only thing that he believed to be fitting for the occasion:

     “I love you, Gerard.” The elder couldn’t help but beam and reply with a tight hug.

     “I love you too, kid…”

**********************

     “I’m amazed,” Frank blatantly stated as he took another bite of the overpriced dessert in front of him.

     “At what?” Gerard inquired after finishing his glass of ice water and asking the waiter for another.

     “That we’re actually on a date… Like, a real one… And you haven’t fucked it up yet.” Frank continued with a shrug.

     The older man gaped, not at all phased by the peculiar look the server gave him while he refilled the glass. “Are you kidding me?” The priceless expression on Gerard’s face, along with the incredulous question - but mostly the look on his face - sent Frankie into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. The shocked expression morphed into a scowl when the younger of the pair made no attempt to calm himself down. “Fine then!” Gerard snapped, knowing his attempt at a serious tone was also failing to sedate his boyfriend. “Maybe this will be our first and last real date!”

     The last statement finally managed to get Frank to become more serious again, but a few soft giggles escaped the corners of his mouth. “Aw, Gee… Don’t say things like that.”

     “Why shouldn’t I? You don’t appreciate my wonderful planning of tonight an-” The statement was cut off as Frank leaned over the gorgeous flower arrangement on the table to kiss him softly on the lips. Immediately silencing at the contact, Gerard closed his eyes and kissed him back.

     “Mm,” Frank smiled before reluctantly pulling away. A shiver that was only amplified when Gerard held his hand coursed through the teenager’s body. “Gerard…?” he asked quietly, after a few moments of comfortable silence had passed between them. The other arched both eyebrow in response. “We’re… going home tonight, right? To the apartment?”

     Gerard’s raised eyebrows knit together in confusion as he nodded slowly. “Well… yeah… But if you had somewhere else in mind…” Frank shook his head, but it became obvious that the boy was not going to elaborate further without encouragement. “Frank?” Gerard gently nudged his boyfriend’s shin with his dress-shoe clad foot. The boy looked up at him and was met by a tender, reassuring smile. “Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours…”

     “I… I just… I think…” The boy hesitated before concluding. “I’m ready…” A light blush graced the teen’s cheeks, confirming Gerard’s suspicion of what his boyfriend was attempting to say. The artist’s mind was filled with the memories of Frank’s responses to this subject in the past weeks and all he could manage in reply was a blink of surprise.

     “Are… you sure, Frank?” he finally inquired once he had regained his composure. This was an incredibly touchy subject for the couple. Whenever they truly did think they were ready to go past merely kissing, they were proven wrong, and this discovery was usually followed by a few days of angst. Because of this, they had taken to heart the promise to move slowly, and although Gerard was surprised that he had even fallen into this habit, it was causing his conscience to nag at the back of his mind.

     “I mean… You know we don’t have to…” Gerard continued. “I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything… That isn’t the type of relationship we have… We respect each other’s wishes… And it’s… it’s only been a month, and that… really isn’t that long.” The last statement came out slowly, almost as if he had choked on his words, simply due to the absurdity of the thought. It feels like so much more than a month, he silently mused as he gazed at the slightly nervous boy across from him. It feels like… a lifetime… But not in a bad way at all… He paused, nodding at his own contemplation. A lifetime… But now it doesn’t seem like I ever really lived before I met him. I was so empty… so broken… I wasn’t living. Now I am, though. He couldn’t restrain the smile that slowly spread across his face at the last thought. So much more alive than anything I ever dreamed.

     Frank tilted his head slightly to one side, confused by the sudden lack of words that had followed his boyfriend‘s trail of rambling excuses. “Gee?”

     The older promptly snapped out of his musings to smile at the other. “I’m all right,” he assured, pausing to take another drink of water before he returned to the previous topic, hoping to seem more casual. “But really, Frank… You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

     “Of course I want to,” was Frank’s simple reply. His mouth had curved into a smile, while his eyes reflected nothing short of pure trust. “I love you… I want to show you how much I love you…” Gerard allowed his eyes to close while the words sunk in. The fact that Frank had been so crushed, but now was willing to trust again, willing to love, affected Gerard more than he would have other thought possible.

     At that moment, he was sure that declaration from Frank was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

***********************

     “That was the best meal of my fucking life.” Frank stepped out of the car into the apartment parking lot and stretched, full and content.

     “Good, because it was the most expensive meal of my fucking life,” Gerard playfully shot back as he locked the doors to the vehicle. The boy giggled at the retort, although he rolled his eyes at the same time. Gerard grinned and put an arm around Frank’s slender shoulders. “Come on, Lover.”

     Frank blinked. “Did you just call me… lover?” A grin was the only reply he received, so he merely shook his head and followed Gerard up the stairs to their small, yet well-loved apartment, where a couch from hell was just waiting to be pounced on. Frank felt Gerard’s arm slip lower and slide around his waist as they walked, and he readily leaned into the touch, sighing in contentment. Perfect… This is perfect… But the sudden frown on Gerard’s face let him know that maybe it wasn’t so perfect after all.

     “Gee?” he asked, confused.

     The taller man just shook his head a little. “We locked the door when we left, right?” Now, the worried expression on Gerard’s face became mirrored on the face of Frank.

     “Of course we did…” The artist furrowed his brow slightly as he let go of the other. Frank’s eyes widened when he realized what was worrying Gerard - the door to their apartment was hanging open by a few inches. “Shit… Do you think… someone broke in?”

     The man merely shrugged, trying to appear calm for his boyfriend’s sake.

     “It’s not like we have anything worth stealing… You just wait out here, okay?”

     Frank bit his lip, letting the way his teeth tugged on his lip ring display his anxiousness. “I can come with you…”

     “No, no,” Gerard interrupted as he waved a hand. “It might be dangerous, and I won’t let you get hurt, all right?”

     The teen hung his head, but nodded obediently, nonetheless. “I… I trust you…” He then hesitated as he felt a small stream of blood stream dripping from his bottom lip made by his anxious teeth. “But, Gee… i-if anything happens… I’m coming in.” Even though Gerard nodded in agreement, the unwillingness behind the gesture was obvious. Substituting any more words with a quick, soft kiss, he cautiously entered the well-lit apartment and distinctly remembered turning off all lights in an attempt to save the world and a bit of green. Frank leaned against the wall across from the door, uneasy and intent. When more than five seconds passed, he began to stare at the clock on his phone, counting the moments of silence.

     Ten seconds.

     Thirty seconds.

     One fucking minute.

     One fucking minute, fifteen fucking seconds.

     The cocky and unfamiliar voice that suddenly came through the doorway made Frank jump nearly a foot in the air, although it had a far greater effect on his boyfriend. The words seemed to echo in the hall:

     “Well, well, well… if it isn’t Gerard Fucking Way.”

     Frank immediately tensed and ran inside, the sheer malice of the statement giving him more than enough reason to worry. He stopped dead in his tracks a few feet behind Gerard. The usually calm, composed man was shades paler, even though Frank would not have thought that possible, and his hands were shaking by his side. Across from him sat a boy that did not look threatening at all, even if Gerard had completely lost his passive demeanor at the sight of him. He was taller than Frank, yet shorter than Gerard, with sandy brown, shaggy hair and blue eyes. 

     Ripped blue jeans that were more than common covered his crossed legs, while his torso was covered in a skin-tight, white tee shirt that had a black blazer thrown over it. A black tie loosely adorned his neck, hanging down to block part of the image on his shirt. His arms hung casually over the back of the demonic couch, but the boy didn’t seem to be as uncomfortable as any other guest would have been on the offending piece of furniture.

     He did not even acknowledge Frank when he walked in, and seemed to get enjoyment out of seeing Gerard this way. Frank swallowed before whispering quietly. “Who…?”

     But Gerard was too lost inside his own head to hear as he stared at the man across from him. The one man he had been certain he would never see again. His ex-boyfriend from two years prior. His greatest mistake.

     “K-Kyle.”

Next Chapter

Title: Fallen
Author: coldestxheart 
Pairing: FrankxGerard
Rating: PG-13, to be safe
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction, and is not meant to offend or hurt anyone, especially Frank and Gee.
Summary: Gerard and Frank could never bring themselves to deny their love for each other, even though it meant banishment from Heaven. Angels AU.
Author's Note: Kind of trying a different style of writing here... And for anyone who's waiting for the next chapter of "Someone to Love Me"... It's been sent to my beta, but her crazy schedule has prevented her from looking over it yet. She promises it will be back to me by tomorrow, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When love, the purest of all emotions, is condemned, how can anything seem right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Gerard let his eyes slide closed, shutting out his view of everything: the steady pour of the rain, the fog swirling from the earth in delicate twists, and most of all, Frank.

     Frank, silently standing in the rain again.

     Frank, probably going to get sick from cold again.

     Frank, desperately trying to get clean again.

     The tattooed man hung his head low as the beads of moisture collected in his dark tresses, then snaked miniscule rivers past his defeated eyes and down his scorpion-adorned neck. His black wings - the mark of a fallen angel - drooped lifelessly behind him. Heaven was lost to him now, along with the former purity of his snow-white wings.

     He knew he would never change. He knew the onyx wings that he had grown to hate would never return to their past form. They had only been so clean once - before he had been exiled from heaven. Before he had fallen in love with another man.

     Love had marred him with an everlasting stain.

     Love had tarnished him beyond repair.

     Love had made him dirty.

     Gerard suddenly opened his eyes, prompted by the inability to stand his lover‘s self-loathing anymore. The same thing… day after day… Standing in the rain… like it would wash everything away… The older man stepped forward and spread his own imperfect wings like a down cloak around the soaked boy. Frank finally looked up, puzzled at the sudden lack of relentless rain that he had failed to notice until it was gone. “Gerard,” he whispered, his terribly pained tone causing the other to wince. Frank’s voice had disappeared with his untainted wings; it had been weeks since Gerard had heard the melodious laughter that used to come from him, more precious than any song of the heavenly choir.

     The older man merely shook his head as he wrapped his strong arms around his love’s shivering frame. “I’m not going to let you do this anymore,” he murmured against Frank’s sodden hair. He then brushed his lips against the younger’s temple, eliciting a shiver that was not from the chilled temperature around them. “I love you… I won’t let you do this anymore…” The reply came in the form of a strangled whisper.

     “I-I’m dirty…”

     “No…” A long pause filled the air before he spoke again. “You are many, many things, Frank…but never dirty…” Even if they were doubted by the shorter of the two, his words held more truth than should have been possible. “You are loving, kind, and pure, my beautiful, beautiful Frank.” The arms around his thin frame refused to let go.

     Even though they were exiled, Gerard was determined that he would make Frank smile again.

     Even though everything had been taken away, Gerard was sure that he would give Frank everything he could.

     Even though they had been condemned for their sin, Gerard was positive that he would always love Frank with all his soul.

     I’m going to save you, Frankie, the man thought, gently pulling the boy closer to his chest. We’re going to be okay again… I won’t make you regret loving me. They stood there for several hours, in silence, in thought, in the wait for forgiveness that would never come. And the rain fell, seamlessly mixing the tears of the angels in heaven with those of the fallen on earth.

A/N: So my goal was to never let this story go more than a week without an update... But I've failed miserably :( Please forgive me, guys. A lot of personal shit and drama, along with school, has really got me busy. I'm still trying my best, though <3

*********************

     “Ugh… fucking sun…” Gerard mumbled, only barely coherent. He was sprawled across his full-size bed, Frank curled against his chest, with the harsh sunlight glaring through the window which they had forgotten to close before going to bed. Frankie let out a sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a groan as he hid his face in Gerard’s torso to shield his eyes from the blinding rays. Sighing, the older of the pair finally opened one eye in an attempt to fully wake himself. This, of course, led to immediate squinting - nature’s way of tell the sun to go fuck itself - but after a few moments of mental encouragement, Gerard found the strength to finally open both eyes. He slowly started to get up, but was stopped by another unintelligible sound against his chest.

     “Can’t be morning yet,” Frank murmured with a defeated sigh.

     “There’s no rush,” Gerard replied softly, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. The younger just sighed again and shook his head, reluctantly removing himself from his boyfriend’s comforting embrace.

     “I’ll get you coffee,” he offered through lips curved into a delicate smile. Despite how much he hated mornings himself, Frank knew that Gerard had it ten times worse when it came to waking up before evening. He quickly disappeared down the hall and busied himself with the task of preparing coffee for his half-conscious lover. Meanwhile, Gerard fell back against the pillows again, silently begging that time would reverse itself just enough to grant him a few more hours of sleep. The pleas were left unanswered, however, and Frank soon returned.

     The taller smiled appreciatively as he took the mug of steaming liquid that was handed to him. Now, just five more cups of this and I’ll be good to go. He stared down into the brown beverage, not at all surprised when his own eyes gazed back at him. They looked tired, frustrated, even a little depressed, but somehow content at the same time. Tired, because his thoughts had kept him awake for much longer than he would have liked. Frustrated and depressed, because it seemed as if going through Frank’s uncle’s neighborhood the other night had practically erased all the progress he had made.

     Yet, content, because the doubts which were caused by Frank’s unexpected episode had disappeared again. Gerard was convinced now, that even though all these outside forces seemed determined to keep them stressed and forever worried, even though everything may or may not be ready to fall apart again, and even though Gerard felt he couldn’t completely be open about everything in his life, he had Frank. He had Frank and Frank had him. And truthfully, that was all they needed.

     Like so many times before, Frank found his mind flooded with what had happened on the previous night. He could tell Gerard was thinking about it too, but not saying anything, which made him feel much worse. The knowledge that Gerard would never get directly mad or upset at him for having to stop in the middle of a passionate moment didn’t change how aggravated Frank was with himself over the matter. He’s my boyfriend… I love him…But I can’t even come close to having sex with him because I’m such a fucking mental case. The thought was more heartbreaking to Frank than it was to Gerard.

     He’s done so much for me, and I can’t even give him what he wants… God, I’m such a fuck-up… He continued to watch as Gerard drained the cup of coffee, then set it on the nightstand. Besides the obvious expression of thoughtfulness on the older man’s face, Frank couldn’t read any of the other emotions in those hazel eyes he thought he knew so well. The silence that had draped the room became uncomfortable once Gerard had finished his cup of coffee, and Frank found himself just staring at his feet, wishing he knew what to say.

     But the thing was, there was nothing to say.  
 
     Frank wanted to say sorry, but Gerard would just lovingly chide him for apologizing and say it was all okay. That he was just happy to hold him. That he loved him. That nothing mattered except their love. 

     Frank wanted to ask what Gerard was thinking, but the artist would probably just smile sadly and shake his head, again saying those wonderfully kind words.

     Frank wanted to say that he wasn’t afraid, but he knew Gerard would see through the lie. Not able to put up with the tense air in the room, Frank did something simple, yet unexpected by both of them.

     He crawled back into Gerard’s arms.

     The older man closed his eyes, holding the boy tight and resting his face against Frank’s dark hair. Although the room was still void of dialogue, the wonderful thing was that it was no longer needed. Both were pondering their own dilemmas, but there was no longer a need to voice them. They weren’t hiding or trying to keep their thoughts from the other - there was just an understanding. Anything that could have been said in that moment was demonstrated with twice the power in the form of a chaste kiss or a tight hug. Most importantly, the wordless silence confirmed what Gerard had figured out moments ago:

     Even if all hell broke loose and even if they would never be the same again, it would be all right as long as they could hold each other like this.

     As long as they had each other.

******************************

     “This is why you should never ‘be spontaneous’ and just come to the movies to see whatever the hell might be playing!”

     Gerard couldn’t help but laugh at his boyfriend’s frustrated statement. This afternoon, which had been their first attempt at a real date, had turned into one of those comical disasters. Frank grumbled his rant as they walked out of the theater. “‘Come on, Frankie! Live a little! It’ll be fun!’” The boy imitated Gerard’s voice with an overall air of mockery. “And then we’ll get there and there’ll be nothing playing but those over-sappy chick flicks that a bunch of unmarried old women who will never get any go see!” Gerard’s laughter was leaning much more toward hysterical now, and it wasn’t helping the situation.

     He was perfectly aware of the fact that it was rude to laugh, but he had never seen Frank so worked up about anything in his entire life. Although it was funny, the over-excited giggles only hid how truly, serenely happy Gerard was. Making a mental comparison between the Frank he had first met, and the Frank that was now ranting and raving over their ill-fated date, the older man couldn’t help but grin. He was nothing but genuinely ecstatic that, even though the boy had his drawbacks, Frank was better than he had been.

     Drawn from his thoughts by Frank’s sigh, which indicated how quickly his anger was fading, Gerard put his arm around the younger’s shoulders. “I’m terribly sorry, Sweetheart,” he apologized, finally composed. “I wish it could have turned out better for you.”

     Frank let out another sigh and leaned against Gerard. “No no… Don’t be sorry…”

     “I am,” the other argued, almost sounding hurt. “I wanted us to have a nice afternoon together, and instead we end up sitting through about half of an incredibly crappy movie.” Frank shut his eyes. Although he tried his best not to pry, he was very much aware of certain qualities of his boyfriend’s character that Gerard tried so hard to hide from him. Gerard had a very bad habit of judging his own self-worth on whether or not Frankie was okay. If I’m happy and everything’s fine, then he’s good, the boy mused. But whenever I get upset… he seems so down on himself. Like… he thinks whatever happens to me is his fault… or maybe… that it’s his fault he can’t help…

     But that’s…ridiculous…absurd… Frank looked up at the man who was halfway holding him as they walked. Gerard’s face was peacefully interested as he gazed into the windows of the shops near the street. He’s the one who’s really saved me. He’s done so much more than anyone else ever has, and nobody can make someone else happy all the time. I wonder… if he realizes… “Gerard?”

     “Hm?” The man’s raven hair swayed a little in the cool breeze as he looked down at his companion.

     “You…” The boy bit his lip ring, hesitating. It was no secret that he and Gerard weren’t the best at communicating, which left Frank with little to no idea on how to approach this topic. “You know that… it’s not your fault…if something happens… Like… last night… It wasn’t your fault.”

     Gerard shut his eyes without halting his stride. “Frankie…”

     “I-I mean it,” he continued, but his voice wavered a little as he confidence faded. “You don’t…” Shaking his head, he let the sentence trail off and started another with a sigh. “I know you better than you think I do, Gerard. And I don’t… I don’t want you to blame yourself for needless shit that’s not your fault.”

     “Needless?” Gerard repeated in a tone of disbelief. The last phrase had finally caused him to stop walking. “What do you mean by needless?”

     Frank shrugged and looked at the ground, finding himself much more afraid of upsetting his boyfriend again. “Just… what it means?” His voice was questioning. What else could it mean? “I had no reason…” There was a long pause before he continued. “I just freak out when I shouldn’t. It’s my fault. Not yours.”

     “Don’t say things like that, Frankie,” Gerard sighed.

     “Why?” The boy’s voice was slowly building up a stubborn sense of confidence. “It’s true.”

     “No, it’s not.”

     “Yes, it is.”

     Gerard groaned and ran both hands through his hair. “Frank, please… I-”

     “Gerard,” the other cut him off. “I don’t… I don’t like what it does to you, okay?” Gerard blinked, confused, and waited for Frank to go on. “I mean… when you get all… not happy with yourself… Like, that one time… when you cried… You cried because of me, Gee. Because you felt like you couldn’t help me… I just. I want you to know that you do. I love you and you help me so much. But I don’t… I guess I can’t make you see that. I wish you could, though,” he finished, gaze fixed on the scuffed Converses covering his feet.

     Gerard exhaled slowly, trying to think of something - anything - to say. It was seldom that Frank ever said that much to him at one time, and it was taking him a moment to try to process everything. “Okay,” he simply said after a few moments of contemplation. “I’ll try… to be better for you.”

     Frank shook his head, trying not to be frustrated at the fact that Gerard was missing his point by a mile. “It’s not that. I mean, you’re perfect. I just… I don’t want you to be ‘better.’ But I do want you to be happy with yourself.” His frown deepened then, as if the statement had brought up other concerns. “Why… aren’t you happy with yourself, Gee? Why don’t you like yourself?” He reached out to touch the man’s cheek, and was hurt when Gerard pulled back slightly.

     “I just don’t,” he mumbled, looking away.

     “But you won’t show it,” Frank stated evenly. The way he was finally voicing all his worry for his lover was shocking him, but he also found it to be a relief. He was finally getting things out and he felt like a weight had been lifted off. Frank couldn’t know that this was having the reverse effect on Gerard, pushing all of his worry onto Gerard’s mind and heart. “Not since that one night, when you cried. You never… break down, or do anything like that. I… I want to help you, too. You know, like how you help me. But you don’t… you won’t… let me. You… always hide things… Why? Why won’t you trust me?”

     Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and help up one hand to let Frank know that he had said enough. I can’t take hearing this anymore, the artist thought. Can’t. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Frank.” He opened his eyes again to see the boy staring back at him with hurt, and possibly a bit of disbelief. “I promise… But… Whenever something’s wrong, I just don’t want to talk about it. Like… if I try to forget, maybe it will just go away.”

     “That’s a bullshit way of thinking,” the other muttered under his breath.

     “I know,” Gerard sighed. “But I just… don’t talk things out. That’s not how I’m built. But I do trust you, Frankie. I swear with my whole heart,” he vowed, holding both of the boy’s hands. “I love you, and that’s all that really matters, right?” He smiled, and hoped to God that it came across as encouraging. “Things can work out as long as we love each other…”

     Frank smiled a little as he squeezed Gerard’s fingers. Even if he had never been right about another thing in his life, he had to admit that Gerard was right about what he had just said. They loved each other. “As long… as we’re there for each other… it will be okay?”

     Gerard couldn’t help but let his smile broaden when he pulled the younger into a hug. “Of course,” he murmured against Frank’s hair, surprised and relieved at how stupid his doubts from last night now seemed. “I promise,” he added with a soft kiss. Frank shivered, gently pressed his lips back against Gerard’s, and then rested his head on the elder’s chest again. “Thank you…”

     Gerard furrowed his brow. “For what?”

     Frank absently traced patterns over Gerard’s shirt while he thoughtfully answered. “For being there… for loving me… for saving me… for making it all okay again… Thank you.” The black-haired man grinned at the statement and kissed Frank again.

     “Thank you too… for all those same things.” Frank genuinely beamed when he heard the words. Gerard kissed his temple before reluctantly walking back toward their apartment again. “Come on, Sweetheart… Let’s go home.”

     In reality, the conversation had not been a great one, although the outcome of it was pleasant. That’s all that mattered to them, though.

     Frank shivered, and the older wrapped his arms more tightly around his thin frame. The air was growing colder, as it seemed a storm was blowing in from the next city. But at that moment, all Gerard could concentrate on was Frank’s smile - how wonderful it felt to hold him and see the unspeakable beauty of his smile.  

Next Chapter

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.
♥ 

Title: Trapped
Author: coldestxheart
Pairing: Mikey/Gee
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction, and is not meant to offend or hurt anyone, especially Mikey and Gerard.
Summary: "No matter how much he hurt me, I could never leave him..."
Author's Note: Just a little piece written to help me over my writer's block on my Ferard fic. Not a song fic, but it was technically inspired by a line in the song "Paper Wings" by Cauterize.
***********  

     Mikey’s teeth tore at the tender flesh of his bottom lip, drawing out crimson fluid as physical evidence of his overwhelming nerves. Gerard hadn’t come home again. Well, he hadn’t come to the bus that served as their home for the majority of each year. It was no secret that the older of the Way brothers was not doing well, and there was proof of it everywhere. From the dark circles under his eyes, to the way he was always avoiding everyone, to the empty bottles of vodka Mikey had found hidden under his brother’s bed - There was proof everywhere, staring all of them in the face.

     But everyone else ignored it.

     “Gee, don’t stay out too late again…” Mikey’s own words from several hours prior rolled through his memories. Gerard had smiled and nodded. “Of course.” He had said, smiling and waving, acting completely carefree.

     Like he was ignoring it too.

     The rain poured down in such thick torrent that it was becoming hard for the brown-haired man to see out the window in the snug living room of the bus. The heat inside the room reacted against the chill of the night air outside, forcing Mikey to wipe away fog from the glass every few minutes. Those minutes ticked by, slowly morphing into an hour.

     Then two…

     Then three…

     Mikey winced as he felt his throat burning from the coffee that was far too hot. He cursed, but knew he would need it if he wanted to stay awake long enough to take care of his brother. He honestly hated this. He loved Gerard with his entire heart, but this was taking so much out of him. Always waiting up for him, always trying to make sure he was okay, always being there - It was just too much. I only wish I could stop, he dismally thought. But there’s no way I could ever stop loving him…

     Finally, a silhouette appeared in the midst of rain and fog. A figure that stumbled precariously, lurched forward, and collided with the unbreakable asphalt beneath him. Eyes widening, Mikey grabbed his coat and rushed into the brutal rainstorm without even bothering to make sure the door had swung shut behind him.

     “Gerard!” The sound of single name that escaped his lips was so broken and torn he scarcely recognized the voice as his own. He quickly knelt by the older man and put his jacket over him, ignoring the wind tearing through his skinny jeans and battered tee-shirt.

     “M-Mikey…?” Said boy squeezed his eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around his older brother.

     “Yes, Gerard… It’s me… I’m here…” Pale arms locked around the boy’s emaciated frame, holding on with every ounce of strength they had left.

     “I-I’m so…s-sorry…” Tears escaped Gerard’s hazel eyes - eyes that were once filled with warmth and joy. Eyes that now looked like they had died long ago. “I… I-I’m hurting you…” Mikey’s face contorted into a wince, taken off guard by the blatant truth that he had been trying so desperately to keep from acknowledging, along with the realization that Gerard was obviously drunk, since he would never admit such a thing if he was sober.

     “It’s okay,” he finally managed to choke out, although his voice was still draped in anguish. The older man shook his head with tremendous effort.

     “N-No…” He raised his face to look at Mikey, causing their gazes to lock, and unconsciously force the boy to mentally reiterate the truth he could not deny.

     He was beautiful.

     With a bittersweet mixture of rain and tears running down his face, a scrape from hitting the pavement decorating his usually flawless cheek, his lifeless eyes bloodshot from a lack of sleep, his unkempt hair falling to his shoulders in scraggly tufts, and his clothes soaked through from the downpour, Gerard Way was truly beautiful. Mikey sighed softly before he embraced the broken man again. There’s no way I could ever leave him, the almost dejected thought once again floated around in the back of his mind. No matter how much he hurt me, I could never leave him… He closed his eyes as Gerard’s lips found their way to his own. Never...

     He didn’t know whether to be pleased or dismayed. He knew he was Gerard’s forever, but the consequences of that were unbearable at times. The kisses which Mikey returned were nearly automatic, numbed from much more than just the frigid temperature. I would break without him, he reminded himself for the thousandth time. But… Gerard’s soft tongue slid into his mouth, yet it distracted his train of thought for only a moment. But I… might break with him too…

     The two stayed like that for a long while. Collapsed on the wet pavement and letting the water wash over them as Mikey tried not to concentrate on the uncontrollable shivers that the temperature was sending through his body. Maybe… when I do break… Maybe he’ll care… The boy shut his eyes tightly while he let Gerard explore him once again. The only way he knew how to comfort his elder brother. He found himself thankful for the weeping sky, which disguised his own tears. The feeling of being trapped was overpowering him once again, and he could only think of one pleasant way for this to end.

     Maybe when I break… he’ll pick up the pieces…

      “Don’t go yet.”

     Zach compliantly froze in mid-step, teetering dangerously close to loosing his footing on the bottom stair of the porch. “What’s up?” he asked, cheery as usual, while he set both feet back on the ground and turned back toward the voice. His happy expression quickly dissipated, though, when he noticed the look on Mikey’s face. It wasn’t a pleased look. “Mikey? What’s wrong?” He tried to sound casual, brushing his hair back from his face as he awaited an answer.

     “I need to talk to you about Gerard.” The simple statement held a thousand meanings.

     Zach forced himself to silent the thoughts that sprang into his mind at the statement, the first of which was ‘oh shit.’

     “What about him?” He was struggling a bit more now to keep the nonchalant tone in the front of his voice.

     “Look.” The younger of the Way brothers sighed, sounding like this was something that he really didn’t want to talk about, but still felt the need to address. The boy shifted uncomfortably on his feet and looked at the railing around the porch instead of into Zach’s worried eyes. “I know you’re, like, Gerard’s best friend, and I know you spend a whole lot of time together at work and stuff. I mean, hell, he blindly drove out to some shit-hole town in the middle of the night yesterday to help you out. That definitely says something.”

     Zach couldn’t help but smile, happy that Gerard had dropped everything to help him. But that still didn’t cover his confusion. “So, are you saying that you disapprove of your brother having close friendships with anyone?”

     “Not when that person could be a threat to his relationship.”

     Another simple statement. Except this time it held a single meaning.

     Trying to hide the fact that he froze immediately, the redhead blinked a few times. “What… are you talking about?”

     Mikey sighed again and gave him a look that said “Are you really going to make me spell it out for you?”

     “You know the way Frank looks at Gerard?” Zach nodded slowly, trying to ignore the feeling of pure dread that told him he knew exactly where this was going. Mikey took barely any time before continuing. “That’s the same way you look at him.” Zach’s stomach churned, twisting into knots. The statement was so blunt, so cold. The redhead looked down at the ground and allowed his red bangs to shadow his eyes, suddenly feeling exposed. Exposed, ashamed, and guilty, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. The expression on his downcast face closely resembled the look that a child would acquire after being caught stealing candy.

     Mikey sounded like an overprotective older brother as he continued. “I don’t mean to sound like an asshole, but Frank is the best thing that’s ever happened to Gerard. I’m not going to let anyone screw that up for him.”

     “Mikey…” Zach started, hurt from the blatant suspicion in the boy’s voice. “What, you really think I’ve got some elaborate plan to seduce your brother and tear him away from Frank?”

     “Don’t make it sound like that,” Mikey harshly retorted, and then nodded slowly a few moments later. “But… I guess that kind of is it, to an extent. You’re just… too perfect.”

     “Perfect?” A short, empty laugh escaped Zach’s throat. “You think I’m perfect? That it doesn’t bother me that they’re together? That I can just magically turn off my feelings around him?” Mikey opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Zach, who felt himself speaking much more than he had intended to. His voice had changed from its usual quiet, casual, carefree tone to one of frustration and something very close to anger. “Well guess what, Michael Way. I’m not fucking perfect! I’m human! That doesn’t mean I’m a fucking saint, but it doesn’t mean I’m a self-centered asshole who’s bent on tearing Gerard and Frank apart!

     “I was always there for him,” he continued, realizing that he had never voiced these thoughts before now. “Hell, he even told me straight to my face that I was perfect! I would do anything for that man, but apparently that’s just not good enough for him. And I don’t know how the hell I can be good enough for him, because I guess it’s just impossible for me to do! It’s impossible for me to be Frank!” Mikey had averted his gaze by now, and was staring at the concrete sidewalk beneath Zach’s feet. His eyes widened when he noticed those same feet starting to walk towards him.

     “But there’s something you need to realize, Mikey.” The brown-haired teen looked up to see Zach standing incredibly close to him, their faces mere inches apart. “I. Love. Your. Brother.” Each word was emphasized by the pain in his eyes and voice growing deeper. “I love him, and that means that ultimately, I want him to be happy, no matter what that does to me.” Mikey immediately felt guilt wash over him when he noticed the tears coating Zach’s eyes, although the older man was obviously straining to keep them from showing. “I am always going to be there for him whenever he needs me. I am always going to help. I am always going to sit up listening to his problems that include Frank or not, even like last night when I should have been sleeping because I had gotten the shit beat out of me.”

     Mikey blinked a few times, and Zach let out another joyless laugh. “Didn’t know that, did you? And I’m sorry if it worries you that I’m ‘too perfect.’ I don’t want to put any pressure on Gerard. I don’t want him to feel guilty about the way it feels like my heart’s getting ripped out every time I see them together. I want him to be happy. That won’t happen if he’s worried about me.”

     Zach finally broke his gaze away from Mikey’s as he quickly turned around to hide his scorching face. “Zach,” Mikey finally began after several minutes of anguished silence. “I… I’m sorry… I had no idea…”

     “Well you do now,” Zach said, giving his own simple statement. Even though it was only a few words, the teen could hear the tears in the older man’s voice. Now Mikey’s guilt reached a new level. He’s really hurting… Fuck. It really hurts him, and he’s trying so hard to hide it… Just for Gerard’s sake… Fuck. “I have to go,” the redhead abruptly announced. Without waiting for an answer, he hurried down the street in the direction of the bus stop. The boy’s hazel eyes closed behind his glasses as he replayed everything that Zach had said over in his mind again.

     He knew that since Zach was such a good guy, he probably wouldn’t blame him for his confrontation later, but that didn’t change how absolutely horrible Mikey felt about it now. It was already hurting him so much… and I just came and stomped all over him. Great job. Sighing at his own sarcastic thoughts, the teen sat down on the porch, remorseful of what he had said. He tried to offer a smile when Alicia came outside to sit with him, but failed miserably. It was almost like she understood, though, and just sat next to him. She laced their fingers together while Mikey stared down the sidewalk in the direction that Zach had run off. Fucking great job, Mikey.

************************************

     “Anything you have to do today?” Frank asked as he put away the last of the dishes from breakfast.

     Gerard shook his head, grinning. “Just me and you. Whatever we want.”

     The younger smiled broadly at the statement before he voiced the question that had settled into the back of his mind. “Can we go home?”

     Gerard laughed softly and nodded. “Of course,” he replied, warmth coating his voice. The teen smiled his trademark grin which Gerard had come to love so much, kissed his boyfriend on the cheek, and hurried back down the hall to get a change of clothes from their room. The older smiled while he stretched his bare arms above his head. Everything’s okay… Just don’t worry. It’s all okay now. Gerard then walked outside so he could tell Mikey that he and Frank were leaving, but was surprised at the scene that greeted him.

     Mikey was leaning heavily against Alicia, resting his head on her shoulder, their fingers intertwined. She absently rubbed her thumb over his knuckles in a comforting way. Gerard frowned at this because, despite two years of not talking at all, Mikey was still the one person he knew better than anyone else, and it was painfully easy to see that something was wrong. “Mikes…?” he asked quietly.

     The younger Way sighed while Alicia answered for him. “He just doesn’t feel well… Is something the matter, Gerard?”

     “No,” the dark-haired man responded, distracted as he tried to figure out what had happened. “I just… wanted to let you know that Frankie and I are going to be spending today back at our place.”

     Alicia smiled and nodded. “All right. We’ll see you guys again soon, though, I’m sure.”

     The smallest hint of a smile graced Mikey’s lips as he looked up at his brother. “Yeah, it’s not going to be so easy to get him out of our hair now,” he joked, trying to divert Gerard’s attention from his current suspicion.

     The eldest of the three laughed softy. “Damn right it’s not.”

     As soon as the statement was said, Frank appeared next to his boyfriend on the porch. “Ready?” he asked, oblivious to the somewhat tense air between the two brothers. Gerard couldn’t help but smile as he placed a soft kiss on the other’s lips and whispered against them:

     “Ready…” Frank shivered before he pulled back slightly to show that perfect grin of his. Gerard laughed softly, wrapping an arm around the boy’s waist. “See you guys later,” he called over his shoulder, then concentrated on getting his mind off his brother. Whatever was wrong… He definitely wasn’t going to tell me about it… So I might as well forget it… Nodding, he slid into the driver’s seat of his car, put the key in the ignition, and started it up. Just concentrate on him. As if reading his thoughts at that very moment, Frank placed his small, warm hand on Gerard’s knee. The older man smiled softly while he began to drive back to the apartment. Only him…

************************

     Frank scowled - his eyebrows knit together, the usually perfect skin on his forehead divided into small ridges, and lips pursed slightly. Gerard came back from the kitchen, clad in only his black pajama pants, and tilted his head. “Frank?” The younger boy mumbled something inarticulate before he increased the level of concentration he was currently using to stare down the inanimate object across the room. “Frankie?” Gerard repeated, a little more than confused by now.

     “Fucking couch…” The older man stared in awe for a moment, then burst into a fit of laughter. “What?” Frank demanded after a few moments of listening to his boyfriend’s giggling - yes, giggling - bounce off the walls of the small living loom.

     “Frank Iero,” Gerard finally managed to gasp. “You have got to be one of the most random people I know.” The boy’s scowl was averted from the couch over to the other man, but it disappeared almost instantly when he saw the expression of complete mirth on his face. God, he…looks so happy… Smiling softly, he watched the process of Gerard calming down, catching his breath, and then finally returning to normal. “Sorry,” he said, apparently trying to suppress more laughter. “But you just… caught me off guard.”

     The boy smiled and shook his head. “S’okay…”

     Gerard grinned before he kissed the other quickly, letting the brief contact be a promise of more to come. “It’s not that bad, is it?” he inquired once he had pulled away.

     Frank blinked in wonder of the question. “Are you kidding me? It shouldn’t even count as furniture! It’s like a torture devise! Are you some kind if sadist?!”

     The older man threw his head back and laughed again. “I’m sorry, Frank… but since my current paycheck forces me to live on ramen noodles, buying a new couch is definitely something that will have to wait. Maybe you could just put some pillows onto it?”

     Suddenly, a grin that was both joyful and mischievous spread across Frank’s angelic face. “I’ve got a better idea,” he announced as he pulled Gerard across the room. The older followed unquestioningly, only to grimace in discomfort when he was gently pushed onto the couch. He only had just enough time to shift over the bumpy cushion before Frank hopped into his lap.

     “And what’s the point of this?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not that I’m complaining of course,” he added while absently massaging the back of Frank’s neck.

     The boy swallowed a moan at the same time that he tried to restrain his shivers. “You’re a lot more comfortable than the couch from hell,” he explained. Gerard stared at the utter paradox Frank’s demeanor was currently displaying - completely innocent, yet somehow seductive at the same time. Said innocent attitude quickly slipped away, though, when Gerard felt a delicate nip at the base of his throat. Gasping, he looked down at the boy in his lap, who grinned - definitely seductive.

     “Frank,” Gerard shifted over the couch springs again. The younger laughed quietly before letting out a playful growl against his boyfriend’s throat. The raven-haired man couldn’t help but grin, and Frank took it as his cue to continue. He picked up where he had left off, running his lips along his boyfriend’s pale neck, tasting the delectable flesh, while sliding both hands up his shirt. Gerard was currently far too distracted by how incredibly amazing Frank was at this to even consciously be glad that his shyness seemed gone yet again.

     Getting annoyed with the uncomfortable cushions beneath him, Gerard picked up the small boy, who was still covering his throat and jaw in refined kisses that became more heated with each passing moment. Soft moans and groans hummed against his neck and Gerard was completely immersed in this pleasure. Frank pulled the man entirely on top of him as soon as he felt the soft, plush carpet beneath his back. The older willingly complied, capturing the other’s mouth in a passionate kiss. Frank moaned and readily opened his mouth while he let his hands work the muscles in Gerard’s lower back.

     Even in his state of distraction from all rational thought, caused by the shivers of bliss Frank was sending through him, Gerard knew better than to take off his lover’s shirt. He knew very well that he would probably freak out if his scars were revealed without warning, but that didn’t deter the man from moving his hands farther down. Frank shuddered violently and allowed a throaty groan to flow into the other’s mouth. Encouraged by the vocalization of pleasure, the older man slowly slid one hand beneath the boy’s boxers, only to halt when he felt Frank freeze under him. The teenager’s body had gone completely rigid - even his breathing had temporarily stopped.

     “Frank…?” Gerard tentatively asked after a few moments of very tense silence. The boy squeezed his eyes shut, holding in the shakes that were threatening to make themselves known. “Frank, oh my God,” the older murmured as he quickly sat up straight. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean- God, I’m so so sorry… I-I thought you wanted…”

     “I did,” Frank miserably interrupted.

     The statement caused Gerard to frown, confusing taking over him. “Then… what… happened?”

     Frank averted his pained gaze, and it seemed as if his body was just radiating shame. “I-I’m sorry,” he whispered toward the beige fibers of the floor. “I just… Y-You… I-I don’t know…”

     “Frank…” Gerard sighed, touching the boy’s cheek. Frank closed his eyes before he hesitantly leaned into the warm touch. “Tell me… It’s okay…”

     “I… know it’s stupid… I-I know you wouldn’t hurt me…” The older man let pale lids cover his own hazel orbs and mentally sighed. “But… I just…” Gerard inwardly grimaced at how he could tell what was coming. “Th-Thought of…h-him… and I-I just…”

     “Shh,” Gerard gently cut him off and tenderly gathered Frank into his arms as the teenager began to cry. “I know… It’s okay…” He smoothed short, dark tresses of hair and kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head softly.

     “Y-You’re not… m-mad?” The words were spoken with such fear, such hesitation, that it pained Gerard in his very soul.

     “Of course not…” he murmured, astounded that Frank would still ask him that, even after all they had been through together. “Of course not…” Frank nodded weakly before rested his head in the crook of the other’s neck. An anguished sort of quiet fell over the room, while Gerard just continued to hold his boyfriend, whispering sweet words of comfort like he had always done.

     “Shh… it’s okay, Frankie… I’m here now. It’ll be okay…” He repeated the same kind of phrases over and over, mixing them with soft kisses to assure the younger boy that he wasn’t mad, although what had just happened forced Gerard to doubt again. Forced him to step back and reconsider.

     Are we really okay now, as long as we have each other? Or… are we just refusing to see the truth? Maybe… maybe we’re both just too worn to admit that nothing’s okay.

     Maybe we’re just kidding ourselves.

Next Chapter

A/N: My favorite moment in the entire story so far is in this chapter ^_^ Hope you guys like it! <3

******************************

     Fuck… My head… Zach groaned and rolled over onto his side, surprised when his battered form didn’t collide with the floor, as it would have if he had rolled on his small twin bed at home. Wait. Slowly, he blinked his tired eyes, allowing himself to take in his surroundings. Oh… Last night… Mugged… Gerard’s place… Riiiight… It was nearly pitch black in the room, his scratchy eyelids making it even more impossible to see. When he leaned up to push the curtains out of the way, he saw that the sun wasn’t even up yet. Heaving a sigh, he lifted himself from the bed. It hurt like hell to move, but the only thing that was currently overpowering the soreness from the previous night’s attack was the hunger gnawing at his insides.

     Even though Zach had visited Gerard and Frank at their apartment on a few occasions, he had only met Mikey a couple times, and had never before been to the summer home. However, the simple, open layout allowed him to find the kitchen easily. Nothing too much, he thought, opening the pantry. Cereal? Yeah. Cereal’s good, and it’s not like it’s anything that someone would miss too much… He nodded to himself before opening a colorful box of his guilty pleasure - Lucky Charms - and emptying a portion of the contents into a bowl. It wasn’t long before Zach discovered that his headache from last night had only worsened. Fuck… Aspirin? Squinting in the dark room, his eyes scanned the kitchen in an attempt to see where medicine might be kept.

     Frustrated, tired, and aching, the redhead began to randomly open some of the cabinets. He was so engrossed in his task that he failed to notice the person walking into the kitchen behind him. Suddenly, all shadows in the room were chased away by the overhead lights being switched on. A short, yet ear-piercing scream shattered the silence that filled the house. Zach jumped and found himself staring at the girl across the room, who stared straight back. Seemingly gathering courage, she abruptly stepped forward and grabbed a random knife that had been left on the table earlier.

     “Woah,” Zachary quickly held up both hands, taking a step back as he mentally noted that his tattered appearance probably wasn’t doing much to help the situation. “Calm down. I’m just-”

     “Mikey!” she cut him off with a yell to summon her lover, although it wasn’t necessary - Zach had heard the teen stumbling out of bed the second Alicia’s scream filtered through the home.

     “The hell?” he asked sleepily, trying to fight off the grogginess that still lingered.

     “There’s a fucking burglar!” The girl screeched, waving the knife in Zachary’s general direction. Alicia’s hysteria forced Mikey to snap himself out of dreaming, but he was still too hazy to be alarmed.

     A frown crossed his lips when he finally focused on the figure across the room. “Zach…? What the fuck happened to you?”

     Zach’s reply was interrupted by a sigh from Gerard. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said tiredly. “I should have told you he was here, but I fell asleep before you guys got home and…”

     “So you invited a complete stranger into my family’s house without even letting us know?” Alicia asked, incredulous, crossing her arms and almost forgetting she was holding Zach hostage with the knife. She then pointed it at him again, both hands on the hilt, attempting to put on a menacing glare.

     The older Way closed his eyes and sighed once more. “First of all, he’s not a complete stranger. He’s my friend. Second, look at him.” Now that she wasn’t in fear of being murdered, Mikey’s girlfriend found it a lot easier to concentrate on the man across the room.

     Her jaw quickly dropped in horror along with the knife clattering to the floor. “Oh my God… What the hell…?”

     “That’s what I was trying to ask,” Mikey said quietly, walking up to Zach and brushing the red bangs out of his eye to reveal a nasty-looking purple bruise over it. He then grimaced when the redhead instinctively flinched away from the touch. “Sorry,” he murmured guiltily. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

     “You didn’t,” Zach sighed. “Just been a rough night. I hate to intrude further, but… do you guys have any aspirin? Ibuprofen? Something to make this sadistic bunny with a jack-hammer in my head go away?”

     Gerard smiled sadly. “Yeah, I’ll get-” he started, but stopped when Alicia beat him to it. Within a few seconds she was in front of Zach, handing him a glass of water as well as three pills.

     “Really,” Mikey continued as the older man swallowed the medicine. “What happened?”

     “Mugged,” he grumbled the answer, sounding somewhere between annoyed and embarrassed.

     “Shit…” the younger Way whispered. “You look like you got mugged by a whole fucking group.” The look on Zach’s face told Mikey that the suggestion, which he hadn’t meant to be taken seriously at all, was accurate. The teen winced, feeling guilty even though he hadn’t done anything.

     “So, uh,” Zach continued after a few minutes of awkward silence. “I guess I’ll…go.”

     “Don’t be a moron,” Gerard retorted with an affirmative nod from Alicia. “You’re staying, at least until the next time I have to work.”

     “Gerard…”

     “He’s right, Zach,” Alicia said quietly. “I didn’t know you were in such bad shape…” The girl said quietly, slightly embarrassed by her actions. “You can stay here as long as you need.” The eldest of the group offered her a warm, grateful smile, then silently slipped out of the room in order to avoid more uncomfortable questions.

     Gerard sighed softly, hanging his head. “I am sorry, Alicia.”

     She merely shook her head and smiled. “Don’t worry about it… Maybe I would be more upset, but I’ve just had one of the best nights of my life, so it’s okay.” Mikey couldn’t help but grin at that statement, and Gerard eagerly returned the expression. He was so pleased to see that look on his little brother’s face that he didn’t even mind the fact that Mikey had put a huge dent in his credit card. “But I think I will be going back to bed… Mikey?” The younger Way smiled and nodded. Taking his girlfriend by the hand, the pair hurried up the stairs to their room.

     Gerard smiled softly, put away the cereal that Zach had left behind in his rush to leave - taking a rainbow marshmallow, of course - then strolled back into the room he shared with Frank. The boy was still sleeping soundly, curled around the pillow which he had unconsciously substituted for Gerard. The older man laughed softly before he gently pried the pillow from Frank’s grasp and held him again. Frank smiled in his sleep, mumbling softly as he snuggled against his boyfriend’s chest. A wave of relief washed over Gerard when he saw the perfectly content expression on the slumbering teenager’s face.

     God, after what happened tonight… I was so sure he was going to be fucked up again. But…he really seems okay… As long as I stay with him, he seems to be better… The black-haired man had to grin at the thought. Frank made him feel needed, important, and loved - anything but worthless. He had to admit he liked it. He loved having responsibility. He loved knowing that someone couldn’t survive without him, and it made it extra special that Gerard also couldn’t live without Frank.

     They were two halves to one whole, and they fit perfectly together. Both broken, yet able to be repaired. Already slowly becoming all right again. Although “soul mates” was a term that Gerard had scoffed at several times before, he had to admit the idea was becoming more realistic by the day. He couldn’t see himself with anyone but Frank now. They were just right together. Gerard being the savior that had rescued Frank from himself, and Frank being Gerard’s tragically shattered angel. Sent straight from heaven, Gerard added silently, allowing himself to be overly sentimental as long as no one else could hear.

     The words “soul mate” popped into his head again when he was once again reminded of how well Frank’s smaller body molded against his own. Even in the littlest things, he could already tell they were meant to be. Gerard then closed his eyes, more than happy to have his last conscious thoughts before he drifted to sleep be focused solely on the sleeping boy in his arms.

*************************

     “You made pancakes?”

     Zach grinned, looking up from his place at the griddle to see a stunned Mikey standing in the kitchen doorway. “Thought I’d at least cook breakfast,” the redhead explained. “Sort of a thank you for letting me stay here last night…” The brown-haired teen just blinked in surprise. It took him a few more seconds to finally find his voice.

     “Wow… thank you.” Zach smiled warmly and went back to his cooking as Alicia wrapped her arms around her boyfriend’s thin waist. “Morning,” he whispered against the top of her head, which rested on his shoulder.

     “Too early,” she mumbled into his white tee shirt.

     Mikey laughed softly and embraced her in a tight hug. “But breakfast is almost ready. Pancakes…” This made Alicia smile, although sleepily, before she stumbled into the living room, dragging the gaunt teenager with her. In the room down the hall, Frank had already untangled himself from his lover’s arms and was currently dressing in front of the closet. After clothing himself in tight black jeans, paired with a long-sleeved Misfits shirt, he let himself take some time to observe the sleeping man on the bed.

     Frank sat on the edge of mattress, actually finding himself hesitant to touch Gerard. It’s like…he’s too perfect… Not really here… What if he just…disappears? He knew it was a stupid thought, but Frank had never had anyone like Gerard in his life before. He was perfectly aware of the fact that, if his lover did go away, he would be completely destroyed. It’s not like he would just go back to the way things were, because there wouldn’t be any other things. Giving Gerard that power scared him. Completely putting his life in someone else’s hands was a frightening experience, but it was wonderful at the same time. Wonderful because he knew he could trust Gerard to always stay with him, no matter what.

     It didn’t take long until Frank could no longer restrain himself, and he began to lovingly smooth the other’s hair back from his face. Gerard smiled as he leaned into the touch, although he was still unconscious. A soft sound of contentment echoed in the back of his throat and the boy shivered at the thought that he was the one bringing that noise to life.

     The events of the previous night flooded back to Frank’s mind once again while he continued to absently stroke his boyfriend’s hair. What if he had left…? What if he…left me…to go back….? Visibly shuddering at the thought, the boy shook his head firmly in an attempt to rid himself of such feelings. He then leaned down close to the older man and kissed him softly, yet almost desperately at the same time.

     “Please don’t leave…” he shakily whispered against the other’s lips. Silent tears that he couldn’t restrain streamed down his cheeks again and tenderly landed on Gerard’s flawless skin. He stayed like that for a few minutes - leaning over his lover, almost hesitantly brushing their lips together, crying silently. Finally, the older of the two frowned as he was stirred awake by the moisture on his face.

     “Frank…?” he asked groggily, slowly opening his eyes. Frank didn’t move, but instead smiled, despite the tears that still flowed from his eyes. Gerard found himself waking up much more quickly once he noticed Frank’s state, and he gathered the younger fully on top of him in order to hold him closely against his chest. “Shh…” he whispered out of instinct, even though he had no idea what was wrong. That wasn’t uncommon for him, though. “I’m here,” he assured, smoothing Frank’s unnaturally soft raven locks. The younger nodded and surprised him by looking up with a smile.

     “I know,” he said with a contented sigh. “Always here…” Gerard smiled warmly before he nodded an agreement to the statement.

     “And I’m never leaving.” The words were firm, resolute, but also gentle. Loving. “So you’d better get used to me,” Gerard joked, still filled with apprehension about why Frank had been crying. “Because you’re going to be stuck with me now.” Frank laughed softly and snuggled against his boyfriend’s chest.

     “Good, because I’ll be clinging to you forever,” he replied, grinning. Gerard’s laughter was interrupted by a quiet ‘oh.’ Both frowned at the third voice, and the older looked up to see Zach standing just a few feet inside the room.

     “Sorry,” he mumbled, quickly looking down. He had hoped it appeared that he had averted his gaze out of respect instead of his real reason - to hide the pain that was inevitably written all over his face. “I…hope I’m not…interrupting something.” Gerard shook his head, and although he tried to appear happy, he couldn’t stop Frank from noticing the disheartened sigh that escaped his lips. Even if he couldn’t see Zach’s face, the redhead was practically radiating hurt. Since Zach was Gerard’s best friend, aside from Frank and Mikey, it absolutely tormented him that his relationship affected the redhead as much as it did.

     “You’re not… Really…” The youngest frowned as he felt Gerard tense beneath him.

     “I just,” Zach said, awkwardly shoving both hands into his jeans pockets. “Wanted to let you know that breakfast is ready… Whenever you guys want to eat. I’m going to be taking off after that.”

     Gerard quirked an eyebrow. “You’re leaving already?”

     “Yeah, I’ve… got some stuff that I have to get done. Still feel like shit but, life waits for no injuries.”

     A frown creased Gerard’s lips. “I’m sure I can help with whate-”

     “Gerard, please,” Zach cut him off quickly - too quickly. “I really just need to do this myself.” Don’t make me stay here… Don’t you realize it hurts like hell to see you with him? Don’t you notice that? “Sorry,” he said again when he noticed the startled, slightly hurt look on his friend’s face, caused by his snappish tone. “Just a little cranky from getting the shit beat out of me, I guess,” he explained with a small smile. “Thanks again for last night. I’ll see you at work, man.” He waved, then promptly exited.

     Gerard groaned and let his head fall back onto the pillows, causing the soft material to compact under the weight. Frank frowned, propping himself up slightly to see the way his boyfriend’s black hair splayed across the white fabric. “What’s wrong…?” The older just shook his head as he held the boy tightly once again. Zach’s unrequited feelings for Gerard had become yet another thing that the older of the Way brothers strived to hide from his love. He knew it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, but of course, he had several reasons to justify it in his own mind.

     He knew he would never leave Frank for Zach. Frank was his perfect counterpart, his beautiful love, his soul mate. No one could even come close to him, and Gerard never wanted to leave. But he was well-aware that Frank would, no doubt, be threatened if he knew there was someone competing for his boyfriend’s feelings, even though Gerard didn’t think Zach was competing at all. He just knew that it would make Frank uncomfortable, and that it was unnecessary information. In his mind, that sufficed for more than enough logic to keep it from him. Just like he kept from telling Frank about his suicide attempt, along with other things in his past. He sometimes got the horrible feeling that it was all going to come back and destroy them one day, but he always countered those thoughts with the reminder that all of it was in the past now.

     In the past and never coming back.

     So it really doesn’t matter… Except maybe Zach, because he’s not the past yet… But that’s not really a problem, aside from the fact that I feel like a shitty friend. “It really isn’t anything, Frankie,” Gerard assured, giving the boy a soft kiss on the forehead. “Let’s go eat?” Frank forced a smile and nodded. He knew Gerard was lying, but he had learned by now that his boyfriend wasn’t one to open up very easily. However, Frank never addressed it, because he didn’t want to push him.

     He’s saved me, and given me everything, the boy mused as he stood up. The least I can do in return is give him privacy, if that’s what he wants. The smile became a bit more genuine when Gerard took his hand in order to lead him out of the room. Everything felt okay then. Everything was always okay with Gerard there, so Frank had no reason to worry. Leaning against the larger man’s bare side, Frankie let out yet another sigh of happiness, more than eager to start another day with the one he loved more than anything.

Next Chapter

     “Frankie, get the door…” The teenager was hurrying to accomplish the request before Gerard even had a chance to ask. The man was currently stumbling towards the entry to the house, one of Zach’s arms draped over his sturdy shoulders to help support his injured companion. “You’re okay, man… Just hold on…” It seemed to be in Gerard’s nature to murmur comforting words whenever someone else was having a hard time. “We’re gonna help you…” He gently laid Zachary down on the couch, smoothing his crimson locks back from his face. “I’m like a fucking boy scout at first aid… You’ll be fine…”

     Frank bit his lip, not sure what to do, but quickly determined that the only thing to be done was to get Gerard’s supplies. So he hurried down the hall to retrieve the first-aid supplies that were usually only used for taking care of his cuts. Zach coughed, grimacing. “I’m…really sorry…”

     Gerard shook his head as he put a finger to his friend’s lips. “Don‘t you worry about anything… Just rest…”

     The youngest of the group came back down the hallway, ashamed at the surge of jealousy he felt when Gerard continued smoothing Zach’s hair back, telling him everything would be okay. Shit… no. Stop it, Frank. He’s hurt… He needs someone right now. The boy then cleared his throat in order to draw Gerard’s attention, but kept his eyes down, not wanting to draw attention to the pain hidden in those dark pools.

     “Oh! Frank!” Gerard jumped up, rushed over to the boy, and kissed him gently. The truth was, even if Frank had been so pissed that he nearly hated Gerard, he still would have melted in that moment.

     “Here,” he softly said after they broke away. Gerard smiled warmly.

     “Thank you, Sweetheart,” he murmured and took the bandages and antiseptic. Frank simply nodded, feelings slightly intoxicated from his lover’s sweet breath, before he knelt down to help his boyfriend. He had never been too good at first aid, which would help explain why he had so many scars, but at least watching Gerard had taught him a few things. “Zach,” Gerard sighed as he dabbed the man’s black eye with a washcloth. “What the fuck happened to you?”

     The man on the couch just groaned, hoping he wouldn’t need to explain further. Then he remembered that it was Gerard he was talking to; Zach knew he had better cough up the details before he got that signature ‘look’. “My car broke down the other day… So I was walking home from wor- shit!” He jumped at the unexpected pain caused by Frank discreetly applying antiseptic to a cut on his leg.

     “Calm down…” Frank whispered, blowing lightly on the bubbling peroxide in the same way that Gerard had done to him so many times before.

     Gerard sighed, seemingly from frustration. “Your car broke down, you knew you were going to have to walk through that hell of a neighborhood, and you didn’t even call me?” His hazel eyes searched Zachary’s, trying hard to understand what had gone through that boy’s head.

     Zach closed his eyes, choosing to focus on the pain in his leg rather than Gerard’s hurt gaze. “I’m an idiot, I know…” Gerard just sighed again as a reply. Zach inwardly grimaced. He hated that fact that he had hurt his friend, but he honestly wasn’t the type to let other people take care of him. In fact, it had taken several minutes of mental arguing with himself to finally decide to call Gerard for help.

     “You just help me a lot,” Gerard shrugged, wrapping the cut that Frank had just finished cleaning. “It’s not really fair if I never help you out.”

     “You’re helping me out now,” Zach mumbled with a mental groan. Truthfully, he was scared of being taken care of. Scared to rely on someone else. He tried not to let it show, though, and simply remained silent while the pair continued to tend to his wounds. He would have liked to have been able to take care of himself in the safety of his small apartment - calling in sick to work, of course - and letting the bruises run their course. But he let a moment of weakness and longing for his friend cloud his better judgment.

     “You can stay here tonight,” Gerard announced when they were finished.

     The eldest shook his head in protest. “I’m fine. I can go home,” he said as he sat up, only to feel a horrible ache in his head which forced him to lie back down.

     “See? Not fine…” Zach’s scowl was matched with a pleading look from Gerard. “Don’t overdo it,” he said quietly. “But let’s get you into one of the guest rooms. I don’t think Mikey and Alicia would like to come home from their date to find a strange, beaten man on the couch.” The redhead nodded slowly, then reluctantly leaned against Gerard after he helped Zach up. Frank silently disappeared down the hall to put away the first aid supplies, still desperately trying to avert his thoughts from his uncle’s apartment.

     The boy knew he shouldn’t have freaked out like that. He was well-aware of the fact that Gerard would never force him to go back to such a place, but the pure panic that shot through him once he realized his surroundings did not make rationalizing the situation easy. I guess… I kind of am always afraid of that, though, he thought dejectedly, placing the leftover bandages under the sink. What if I make him mad one day? What if… He shut the door on the cabinet and slowly stood up. What if he decides not to love me anymore? I couldn’t blame him…

     Meanwhile, Gerard was lying Zach down on a bed in the spare room. “Please, Zach, don’t tell me you actually live in that neighborhood…”

     The redhead laughed shortly. “Hell no. But…being the incredibly intelligent, good-looking man that I am, I decided to take a shortcut through there.”

     The younger man made a sound that was between a scoff and a laugh. “A shortcut…through that hell-hole of a neighborhood…at night… alone… with no car-”

     “I get it, all right?” Zach interrupted, sighing. “It was a stupid thing to do, I know.”

     “Stupid? Try incredibly fucking idiotic.”

     “Gerard…” His tone was pleading. The way Zach saw it, getting the absolute shit beat out of him was punishment enough for his foolish decision, and he didn’t need to be getting a lecture from his best friend to make it worse.

     The black-haired man heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry… I just… Tonight’s been…shit.” Zach frowned, propping himself up on his elbows to see the other more clearly. Gerard’s eyes were closed, and he ran both hands through his hair - a gesture that Zach noticed he usually did when frustrated, or at a loss for words.

     “What happened…?” he asked after a few long moments of silence. Usually, Zach wasn’t one to pry. He liked to give other’s their privacy - an unconscious act that he hoped they would take a hint from and give him some space in return. The fact that he rarely asked questions of any kind had been one of the things Gerard liked most about him. But this was different. Zachary could tell that something was really wrong, and he had a sinking feeling that Gerard needed to talk about whatever it was - that he needed to, but wasn’t going to unless pushed to do so.

     The younger just shook his head, sighing softly. “It’s nothing…”

     “What happened?” Zach prodded again. Another one of his qualities happened to be stubbornness, which meant that if he wanted an answer, he was not going to stop until he got one. More silence followed, then a quiet, one-word reply:

     “Frank…”

     “Ah,” The older nodded before he sat completely upright, hiding the wince that shot through his battered body. “Relationship issues?”

     Gerard shook his head miserably as he sat back against the headboard. “Worse,” he groaned. “I just… feel like I’m not helping him as much as I should be?” The questioning tone in his voice caused a puzzled look to cross Zach’s face, but he opted to wait for Gerard to elaborate instead of asking for more detail. “I don’t know… He’s been through a lot. Seriously. I’ve never met someone who’s gone through as much shit as he has. I thought he was okay now… but he…really freaked tonight… And he wouldn’t really talk to me… I wanted to help so badly, but how can I help if I don’t know what’s wrong with him in the first place? It… I know it probably didn’t last that long, but it felt like fucking forever.

     “I…” he paused, closed his eyes, and then continued. Gerard didn’t even try to hide the stress and complete agony in his voice. “He pulled away from me. He thought… I was going to hurt him.” Zach’s hazel eyes widened slightly. “He screamed.” Gerard squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that it caused him pain. “I had just…held his hands, and he pulled away so quickly that he crashed right into the car door. Hard. Sounded like it hurt,” he murmured the last phrase with a twinge of guilt in his voice.

     Silence settled over the room once more, and Zach took that as his cue to speak again. “Did he ever tell you?”

     Gerard nodded, briefly covering his face with his hands. “His uncle… abused him a lot… We were in his neighborhood…” Zach closed his eyes, only to open them again when he heard a muffled sob escape Gerard’s throat. “I didn’t know…” the younger mumbled despondently. “I-I swear… if I had-” His voice broke, hitched on a cry that he was so desperately trying to suppress. Zach swore he felt his heart breaking a little at seeing the man whom he undoubtedly loved be so troubled. Deciding to completely ignore the hesitation he had experienced when he had wanted to hug Gerard earlier, the redhead wrapped his arms around his friend.

     Gerard tensed a little, but leaned against the other. He willed himself to hold back tears, and this time succeeded. They let the silence cover them again, while the black-haired man stayed limply in his friend’s embrace. “It’s not your fault,” Zach finally whispered. “You’re great, Gerard, and I know you do try to help him however you can. It’s…understandable that he might be hesitant to talk about it, but, that’s really why you can’t help more. It’s not your fault… Like you said, you can’t help if you don’t know what’s wrong. If you never open up to people, you can’t expect them to be able to help you.”

     Gerard winced at the statement, a memory of himself and Mikey in the hospital flashing across him mind.

     “I can’t even help you, Gerard!” Mikey’s voice rose in exasperation as he paced around his brother’s hospital bed. It was the first moment since the attempted suicide that the younger Way had allowed his hurt to be eased by letting anger smother it. “You won’t talk to me anymore! You won’t tell me what’s going on! I fucking love you! All I want to do is help, but you won’t even allow me to do that! Don’t I deserve that? Don’t I deserve something?” 

     Gerard flinched, shutting his eyes tight, as if that could block out his brother’s voice. He couldn’t bring himself to argue or say anything in protest, because he knew Mikey was right. He knew he couldn’t be better unless he let people help him, but that was the point. He didn’t want to be better. He wanted to die. After taking nearly a bottle of sleeping pills, he had thought that people would start to comprehend that. But that simple concept seemed out of grasp for anyone besides Gerard. Maybe he really was suffering from some mental illness like his doctor has suggested when he thought the patient was sleeping.

     Mikey sighed one last time, throwing both hands up in the air. “You know what? Forget it.” Gerard opened his eyes, but found himself unable to look at the other. “I’ve tried, Gerard… I’ve tried and I’ve tried and I’ve tried. And you’ve just shut me out.” Hurt was creeping into his voice again, easily overpowering the forced anger in his tone. “I don’t know why… But you’ve shut me out. You won’t even let your own brother try to help you.” He turned to leave, yet paused halfway through the doorway. His gaze slid down to the floor, while his voice dropped to a whisper. His voice was so soft that it could barely be heard, and completely draped in pure, unabashed pain. “I thought you loved me, Gee…” Gerard’s eyes snapped over to the door at the same moment that his mouth opened to reply… but it was too late.

     Mikey was gone.

     That was when he had realized that the unnaturally close relationship between the Way brothers would be scarred forever. That was the instant that, more than ever, he wished he had succeeded in his overdose. That was the minute that he realized he was truly and completely alone.

     “Gerard?” Said man jerked back to reality, not understanding how engrossed in his memories he had become. The incredibly worried expression on Zach’s face made Gerard’s guilt escalate.

     “Sorry,” he whispered, holding back tears again. “Just…thinking.” Zachary then bit his lip.

     “Go to him.”

     “What?”

     Zach laughed softly, gently smacking Gerard in the back of the head. “Your boyfriend, moron. Ever think that maybe you could be helping him more now if you were with him instead of sitting here with me?” Gerard blinked, stunned that he had been so stupid.

     “Fuck…”

     Another quiet laugh came from Zach’s mouth as he tenderly pushed his friend off the bed. “Don’t waste your time telling yourself what a dumb-ass you are - You’ve already told me that I’m one,” he said with a grin. “Just go!” Gerard managed a grateful smile before hurrying out of the room. The wounded man tried his best to keep smiling until his friend was out of the room, and then allowed himself to collapse back onto the pillows, ignoring the stab of emotional pain that he felt from being left for Frank. Come on… You’re the one who told him to leave… Don’t you dare get all fucking depressed over this. Sighing, he nodded in agreement with his own thought and attempted to sleep.

     Gerard slowly walked into their room to see Frank curled up on the bed, over the covers, still completely clothed. Closing his eyes, he murmured a ‘hey…’ as he spooned up behind the smaller boy. Frank sniffed before he pressed back against his lover.

     “Hey…” he replied softly, unable to completely hide his tears.

     Gerard bit his lip and held the quietly crying teen closer against his chest. “Are you…okay?”

     Frank let out a long breath, then took a few moments to contemplate the question. “Are…you going to leave?”

     The man shook his head, softly kissing the back of the other’s neck. “Of course not…” Another pause, followed by a nod from Frank.

     “Then I’m okay…”

Next Chapter

A/N: Just a little mini rant here... Feel free to skip forward to the chapter... 

     Okay. I am so so soooo sorry about how long it's been since an update. I'm horrible, I know. I got put into a new school last week that's nothing like I'm used to and is so much more work than what I had at my last school, so I'm constantly busy with that. And then they put me in this advanced writing class that's incredibly hard, and it's totally kicking my ass. Honestly, I'm starting to lose the confidence that I've slowly gained as a writer over the past few months of posting this story. Along with alot of personal stuff that's going on that's really got me shaken... My beta's trying to snap me out of it, though. Please bear with me until then, guys <3

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     “Bye, Mikes! Bye Alicia!” Gerard and Frank both stood in the main doorway of the summer home, waving goodbye to the couple as they headed off for the dinner reservations that, as far as Alicia knew, Mikey had made for them. To further prove that statement, she hadn’t taking her adoring gaze off of her boyfriend for nearly twenty minutes, and she didn’t show any sign of stopping before the evening was over. Feeling romantic himself, Gerard waited until the pair was out of sight, before leaning down and kissing Frank slowly - letting his eager tongue explore the lip ring that had always intrigued him.

     “Mmm…” Frank smiled against Gerard’s lips before he pulled away. “Want to stay here a little while?” he asked, sliding his hand’s down the other’s chest. “We have the place to ourselves…” Frankie’s voice was velvety, almost like a purr.

     Gerard couldn’t help but grin at how the younger’s shyness appeared almost nonexistent. “Sounds like a great idea,” he agreed, as he picked the smaller boy up. Frank giggled and slid his arms around the man’s neck. But all laughter quickly died away when he felt himself being laid down on the couch and another body lying on top of him. He soon melted under Gerard’s kiss, shivering all over as those creative artist hands crept up Frank’s torso under his shirt. The younger felt his shyness return and blushed furiously after he moaned softly into Gerard’s mouth without meaning to. Gerard removed his mouth from the boy’s lips and smirked, then began to place delicate kisses down the pale flesh on Frank’s neck.

     “Gerard…” Frank rolled his head back, closing his eyes. Gerard’s mouth found a sweet spot base of the boy’s neck and flicked his warm tongue over the skin, enjoying the way Frank’s body responded to every touch. Suddenly, both jumped - Frank letting out a small yelp - as the Dresden Dolls abruptly shattered the quiet of the room.

     “Fuck!” Gerard groaned as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket. The younger of the two sighed heavily before he leaned back onto the couch. The man immediately tried to silence the device without having to answer, but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

     “You should take it…”

     “But-” Gerard stopped and took a moment to look at the caller ID. Zach. Holding back a sigh, he reluctantly climbed off of Frank, then flipped the phone open. “Hello?” His heart immediately stopped at the tone of the response Zach gave him. “Zach? What is it?” Frank frowned, quickly crawling into his lover’s lap. He noticed that Gerard was shades paler now, and he could feel the man shaking a little beneath him. “Are you okay?! Where the hell-?” Frank involuntarily jumped at the near hysteria in the other’s voice. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

     A few minutes passed by in which Gerard said nothing. Frank was starting to get more anxious by the second, and tried to make use of the nervous energy by rubbing down his boyfriend’s arms in an attempt to calm him, trying not to listen to the buzzing voice on the other end. “Yeah,” he said, then apparently changed his mind. “I- Yeah. No. Stay where you are. I’ll be there. Just stay away from… I don’t know. People in general. Yeah… Yeah, okay… Bye.”

     “Gee…?”

     The older man took a deep breath before he stood up with Frank in his arms. “Frankie, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to leave.” The boy frowned, not at all oblivious to the tone in Gerard’s voice. The worried, anxious tone that confirmed his earlier suspicious that something was horribly wrong. And it didn’t look like Gerard was going to be explaining further without a little push.

     “Where are you going? What happened?” he asked quickly.

     “It’s Zach… He got hurt… Mugged.” Gerard groaned as he set his lover down on the couch again. “I don’t know how…severe it is, but it sounded like he was in pretty bad shape when he was on the phone.” He closed his eyes for a second and ran both hands through his shoulder-length hair. “Doesn’t have his car either.”

     Frank nodded slowly after he had processed all the information that had been given so far. “So you’re going to get him?”

     “Yeah, I shouldn’t be gone long…” Those hazel eyes had lost their passion from a moment before and Frank couldn’t tell what lit them now. Anger? Worry?

     “What are you talking about?” Frank stood up and walked across the room, then slipped on his tattered black and white Converses. “I’m coming with you, of course.” He offered the other a slightly shy smile. “We’re in everything together from now on, remember? Zach means a lot to you, so I’m going to help take care of him, too.” And you… Gerard once again found himself unable to do anything less than grin, and he quickly kissed his boyfriend out of gratitude.

     “You’re perfect, Frankie…”

     “Nah. You’ve still got me beat.”

     Gerard had to laugh out loud at that statement, as he looked up from tying his shoes. “You can’t be serious.” Frank simply smiled and nodded once. The older laughed softly, putting an arm around his companion, before leading him out of the house. “I think that you’re delusional, Frank Iero.”

     “That wouldn’t surprise me,” he replied with a scoff as he got into the passenger seat. “I’ve got everything else wrong with me, so I might as well be delusional while I’m at it. Full package of crazy.” Gerard frowned when he noticed how all joking had drastically disappeared from Frank’s tone.

     “Hey…” He started up the car and put a hand on the other’s knee. “Don’t talk like that… I don’t want to hear those words again, Frankie, please. You’re better now…” The younger sighed, but nodded anyway. “Good,” Gerard murmured, more to himself than to Frank, then quickly began driving.

     They were silent from then on. No talking, no music, no sound at all. Nothing to help ease Gerard’s anxiety about Zach’s state, which was worsening at every second. Frank rolled down his window, leaned his head back against the seat, and closed his eyes against the city lights. He enjoyed the small comfort of the cool breeze on his face as he continued to get lost in thought again and again. But even with his eyes shut and no words being spoken, he could feel his lover’s apprehension. What can I do…? Frank inwardly sighed. As much as felt compelled to help, he wasn’t exactly sure how to go about giving that help.

     Think, Frank… Just do what he does for you… Hold his hand… Something. Nodding at his own thoughts, Frank opened his eyes and prepared to do something useful, but stopped short the exact second he took in his surroundings. His stomach was wrenched into a dozen knots all at once, while his complexion blanched. “N-No…” he protested in such a broken whisper that the other couldn’t even hear him. “No…p-please…” The last words were just a little louder, which caused Gerard to turn his head slightly.

     He immediately noticed Frank’s violent shaking, and how he was starting to scratch at his arm under the striped shirt sleeve. “Frankie…?” he asked gently, but the other didn’t hear. Or rather, couldn’t. By now, Frank was far too wrapped in his own sickening memories to register Gerard’s voice. His wide, fearful eyes scanned the buildings outside of the car. It was a run down neighborhood, filled with dilapidated buildings that were literally falling apart - broken and boarded up windows, doors hanging slightly off the hinges, porches that were falling in on themselves, and dogs scrounging for food amidst the piles of garbage that decorated every street corner.

     However, the moonlight seemed to be trying to wash over a place even as contemptible as this, and it shone its soft light over everything in sight, causing shadows to loom over alleyways and trash cans - catching the scurry of a lone rat in his haste to return to the damp houses. Thrown-out furniture from people who had been evicted littered the sidewalks, along with other numerous amounts of debris. “Please…n-no…” Frank continued murmuring the same two words as he pulled his knees close to his chest and scratched at his arm nearly hard enough to draw blood. The older man closed his eyes for a moment before he parked the car on the side of the road.

     “Frank,” Gerard said firmly, quickly grabbing the boy’s hands and firmly holding them still in order to keep him from hurting himself.

     It wasn’t a good idea.

     “S-Stop!” Frank shrieked, hysteria in his voice. He jerked away from the older man so quickly that he slammed into the passenger side door. If the window had not been rolled down, the petrified boy’s head would have smashed right through the glass. Gerard simply stared, not even able to blink this time. He was too shocked to be hurt. Completely stunned. What…the fuck? Frank covered his face his both hands, crying behind slender fingers.

     “F-Frank…” Gerard said softly, frustrated that he couldn’t keep his voice even. The shock was still there, but it had subsided enough to allow some room for pain. Actually…it set aside a great deal of room for hurt. Gerard had always been convinced that he was the only one Frank trusted, that they could be completely okay around each other, and that Frank knew Gerard would never hurt him. But…if all that’s true… then… then what the hell is going on? The older man refused to move a muscle, not wanting to scare the other more than he apparently already had.

     “I-I’m sorry!” The boy blurted out. “I. W-Whatever I did… I-I don’t know what… but I… I’m sorry.” Gerard squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that it was almost painful. He couldn’t bear to hear this. I thought he had gotten better… What…? I’m… I’m so confused… These moments were horribly distressing for both of them, as Frank nearly lost his grip on reality, while Gerard felt all his past frustration about not being able to help the boy came rushing back all at once.

     “Frankie… No… talk to me…”  

     The boy shook his head wildly, protesting with actions as well as words. “D-Don’t… don’t t-take me…back… P-Please…”

     Gerard sighed out of his complete loss of what to do. I can’t… I don’t even know… what’s wrong… How the fuck can I help if he won’t talk to me?! God… I… He groaned when he forced himself to hold back the tears he felt stinging the back of his eyes. No, he silently ordered himself. Do not lose it now. Do not fall apart. He needs you now… He needs you to be strong for him now… Do. Not. Fall. Apart.

     “Listen to me, Frankie…” he commanded as calmly as possible. “Listen to me…”

     “I-I’m sorry…”

     The older man shut his eyes. No… calm down… Just be patient… “No… No more sorrys… Frank, why are you apologizing?”

     Silence.

     The only reply he received - the only one Frank was able to give - was the continuous shaking and sobbing. Slowly, Gerard reached toward the boy, trying to ignore the stab of agonizing pain he felt when Frank only recoiled further. It began to click in Gerard’s mind that something was even more wrong than he thought. He finally realized this was different from the other times that Frank had freaked out. He seems almost…not here. Like… too wrapped up in everything to see… Is he having a flashback of something, or…? “Frankie…” he attempted to gain the boy’s attention once again. “Frankie, sweetheart, I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what’s going on.”

     The distressed teenager shook his head again, more forcefully this time. “Frankie… it’s only me… Gerard. Please just think, Frank… I would never do anything to hurt you, remember? You know that…” The simple words were calming Frank down in such a small manner that it was barely perceptible, but the sheer relief that something was starting to work was enough to encourage Gerard to go on. “I know you’re hurting now… I don’t know why, and I don’t know what caused it. But I do know that you’re hurt. Frank… if it’s something I did, then I’m sorry. I want… I want to be able to help you, but I can’t… because I don’t even know what’s going on. You need to tell me what’s going on inside that beautiful, confusing head of yours…”

     Frank rested his forehead on his knees, drawing in ragged breaths. He was still shaking and crying, but at least the pleas, sobs, and apologies had all stopped. “You can tell me anything,” the man continued as he rested his hand on the seat between them. “It’s only Gerard…” He kept emphasizing that name, hoping something would click into place. “Your boyfriend. The guy who saved you from committing suicide. The guy who loves you more than anything or anyone else in this entire fucking world.”

     Gerard knew that usually, when you tell someone you love them for the first time, it should be romantic. It should be said during the most perfect and amorous moment possible - not during an unexplained outburst of hysteria.

     But it worked.

     Frank froze completely, then very slowly lifted his head to meet Gerard’s steady gaze. They both stared at each other in absolute silence for several minutes, until the older of the pair couldn’t endure it anymore. “I love you…” he repeated in a more subdued tone, letting the love he felt shine in his eyes, dispelling all doubt. “I truly love you, Frank Iero… Please, let me in… Let me help…” Frank said nothing, and at first, he thought the teen was also staying perfectly still. However, it didn’t take long for him to notice Frank’s hand slowly sliding towards his across the seat. After a few moments, Frank’s shaky fingers locked with Gerard’s warm ones.

     The distraught boy drew a shuddering breath before inclining his head slightly. “P-Promise… Promise you wont…make me go back…”

     “Go back where, Frank?” he asked calmly, more than relieved at how his patience was quickly returning. “Home?”

     The boy numbly shook his head as fresh tears slid down his flushed cheeks. “T-To…h-him…”

     Gerard’s stomach churned so badly that he immediately had to swallow bile to keep from throwing up instantaneously. He quickly turned his head and looked outside of the windows, scanning the buildings. He had never in his life been to this side of town. It definitely didn’t look a place that he would ever want to be in, but the knowledge that Zach was around here somewhere required him to be driving around at a random hour of the night.

     The older man let out a slow breath, turning his head back to look at Frank. “He lives around here, doesn’t he?” The dejected boy nodded weakly as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh my God…” Gerard quickly directed his gaze back out the window, as if he was expecting to see Frank’s uncle walking to the car at any moment. Suddenly, nausea and horror quickly evolved into blatant hatred. “Where the fuck does he live?” Frank blinked, somewhat frightened by the sudden change in Gerard’s voice. He…H-He sounds so mad… Fuck…I-I made him mad… “I’m going to kill that fucking bastard.”

     The younger’s eyes widened. “N-No! You-You can’t!”  

     “Why the fuck not?!”

     Frank flinched and shrunk against the passenger side door a little farther. He hated it when Gerard raised his voice at him, no matter what the reason. “G-Gee…please…” An aggravated sigh was his only reply, causing Frank’s distraught state to worsen. He held onto Gerard’s hand more tightly to try to get through to him, along with informing him of the fact that his shaking was speeding up again. “N-Not now… p-please, Gerard… We…we h-have to find Zach…” Still no response, but at least Gerard didn’t seem as angry now. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, Frank mentally groaned. “I…I-I’m sorry I made you…m-mad-”

     “Frank, no,” the other interrupted, squeezing his fingers reassuringly. “I’m the one who’s sorry… It’s not you that I’m mad at, I swear. You never did anything wrong, okay? No one has any reason to ever be mad at you. Do you realize that, Frankie?” The teen nodded a little, although he couldn’t help but doubt the man’s words. Gerard nodded back…and then they sat in silence.

     Neither knew what to do or what to say, so they both stayed where they were, afraid that anything they might do would upset the other. Finally, Frank couldn’t take it anymore. He shakily let go of Gerard’s hand and crawled into his lap instead. The older closed his eyes before wrapping his arms around Frank’s smaller fame, cradling him against his chest. Then, as easy as that, they had fallen into their traditional practice for whenever Frank needed help.

     “Shh…” Gerard whispered as he began stroking the boy’s hair. “I’m here… I’m never taking you back there, and I’m never going to let him take you away from me… You’ll never have to deal with him again… not while I’m here.” Frank was too emotionally exhausted to try to stop the silent tears that spilled from his eyes. “I love you… I won’t let him get you…”

     Frank heaved a sigh that held the feelings of frustration, fear, and anxiety. However, a small amount of contentedness could be found there as well. I love you too… The boy slowly opened his eyes, only to cry out at the figure he saw approaching their car. “Gerard!” He tightly clung to his lover’s shirt and hid his face in his chest. The artist narrowed his eyes, holding the boy more protectively as he nearly growled at the figure walking toward them.

     Then he blinked. Once. Twice. “Oh God…” Gerard murmured faintly, eyes widening. “Frank, it’s Zach… It’s just Zach…” Although the statement was comforting, Gerard had to admit it was the first time he was not happy to see Zach. From what he could tell by the way he walked and the blood that shimmered in the moonlight, the redhead was in horrible shape. “I’ve got to go to him,” he almost whispered. Frank nodded before he reluctantly climbed out of Gerard’s lap and back into the passenger seat. The older man hopped out of the car, sprinting toward his injured friend.

    For the few moments Gerard was gone, Frank could do nothing but anxiously glance around the street - each object in itself somehow bringing up a different, painful memory. All he wanted was to leave this place. All he needed was for Gerard to take him back home before his memories destroyed him again.

Next Chapter

     A/N: It seems that the Frank/Gee scuffle at Projekt Revolution last night has most of my fellow MCR fangirls depressed... So I am here with another fluffy chapter to encourage you all to have a little more faith in our boys and not worry too much! :)

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     “Do you think we can move back in here?”

     “Hm?” Gerard turned around to look at Frank, who was lying on the bed, dressed in his normal pajama pants and matching, long-sleeved black shirt.

     “I mean,” Frank’s face twisted slightly in concentration as he attempted to see some sort of picture in the cracks on the ceiling. “We always go back to Mikey’s house at night… and we’re here now… at night… So, are we moving back in?” Gerard shrugged, running a hand through his hair. The only reason they had always gone back to the summer home at night was so that Gerard could get some space if he needed to, but he figured since they were together now, that shouldn’t be such a problem any more.  

     “I don’t know… Do we want to move back in?” Gerard still had his doubts about the place, mainly due to his views on the memories associated with it. To him it seemed like pain and tears echoed in the hallway. Of course, he had no idea that, while he immediately thought of everything horrible that had happened in this living space, Frank thought about the exact opposite. The boy stayed quiet, not sure which of the probable answers would upset the other. “Okay,” Gerard said as he sat next to Frank on the bed. “Let me rephrase. Do you want to move back in?” Frank needed to feel comfortable and safe. Gerard couldn’t understand why this grungy apartment attracted Frank, but if it was what his lover wanted…

     “I think…” The teenager bit his lip and thought of the best way to express his feelings on the matter. “That this is just like…our home, you know? I really like staying with Mikey and Alicia, but sometimes I miss being here too.”

     “Mikey and Alicia!” Frank jumped at Gerard’s random outburst. “Shit! I forgot!”

     “Uh… Gerard?” He tilted his head to get a better view of Gerard’s surprised expression.

     “One second,” he replied. Gerard leaned down and kissed the boy quickly before he grabbed his cell phone and ran out into the hall. He hit one of the speed dial numbers, then waited for that familiar voice to pick up.

     “Hello?”

     “Mikey!” The older Way called with a grin.

     “Woah, what’s gotten into you?”

     “Well…” 

     “Don’t say you’re calling to tell me you got laid.”

     Mikey’s eye roll was almost audible.

     Gerard gaped at the phone, completely silent, but then he couldn’t help but burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “You really think that’s why I’m calling?” he finally managed to question between gasps of air.

     “Why the hell else would you be calling this late?” Mikey didn’t exactly sound annoyed, just sure of his reasoning. There had been just enough time for Frank and Gerard to walk in the door, do it, cuddle, and get the energy to call. Perfect timing. Mikey had almost been expecting it.

     Deciding to take the conversation in a different direction entirely, Gerard easily ignored the question. “Do you and Alicia have plans for tomorrow night?” There was a long pause before:

     “What?” Apparently Gerard’s brother’s mind was not on food.

     “You heard me. Do you and your woman have anything amazing planned for tomorrow?”

     “Uh…not that I know of. Probably just hang around the house and stuff.”

     “Good! Don’t make any, okay?”

     “Gerard…” Mikey’s voice was skeptical now. Wary. “What have you got up your sleeve?”

     “Surely nothing that would harm my baby brother!” Gerard’s nearly giggling voice did not sound safe at all.

     “Riiight…” The teenager’s suspicious tone only increased now.

     “Trust me, Mikey. It’s a good thing… I’ll come by tomorrow and tell you what it is, all right?”

     “Yeah…sure thing.”

     Gerard only grinned at the other’s mistrust. It would make it more of a surprise, after all. “See you tomorrow, then! Goodnight!” he cheerfully said before clicking his phone shut and walking back into the bedroom. Frank was still on top of the covers as he stared at the ceiling.

     “It’s a rabbit.” The fact was stated flatly with no real tone of curiosity. Gerard turned to face Frank out of confusion as he tried his best not to start laughing right then at the randomness of it. “On the ceiling,” he explained. “Look,” Frank continued, gently tugging at Gerard’s bare arm so that he would lie next to him. The older man couldn’t help but be reminded of the times when he and Mikey would stretch out in the backyard and look for shapes in the clouds when they were small children.

     Gerard squinted up at the rotting ceiling, laying on the bed. “I’m not seeing a rabbit, Frank…”

     The boy sighed, frustrated that his lover couldn’t picture it. “Right there.” He raised his clothed arm and pointed to a fissure in the plaster right above their heads. “That’s the tail… Then follow it up, and the two lines that kind of go up, and then back down are the ears,” he tried to clarify, tracing the outlines of the fractures in the air as he mentioned each one. “Then the head… And right there is it’s front and two legs.” Gerard narrowed his eyes more and moved his head on the pillow, trying as hard as he could too see a rabbit on his ceiling, despite the fact that he had never noticed one before in all the years he had lived here.

     Finally, he gave up with a defeated sigh. “Still not seeing a rabbit…”

     Frank groaned in exasperation. “You’re an artist - Aren’t you supposed to have some sort of imagination?”

     Gerard laughed and shrugged. “That would be something normal, and not many people consider me normal.” Frank smiled at him, then turned slightly to place a soft kiss on his lips. Gerard gently wrapped an arm around his boyfriend to pull him closer, readily kissing him back. They stayed like that for a long while, just holding each other and kissing. Letting the soft movements of their tongues and slowly exploring hands guide them. The older of the pair found Frank’s shyness absolutely adorable, and wanted to melt whenever he would gasp into Gerard’s mouth or shiver violently.

     Gerard could tell that it made Frank just the least bit uncomfortable, but that he liked it at the same time. He only kept telling himself to take it slow. He and Frank would be together for a long time now, and as much as he wanted to, he knew that there was no need to rush anything. It was amazing how much his views on the physical aspect of a relationship with Frank had changed since they met. And it wasn’t so much that they had changed, but just the Gerard realized what was more important now. The most important thing was that he and Frank would be together. They would help each other, be there for each other, and love each other.

     As much as the older man was surprised to hear himself think such things, sex was actually something he was willing to wait for. Something that he didn’t want to spoil by rushing into it before Frank was ready, especially considering everything that boy had been through in his life. Gerard kept telling himself that trust, and love, were both more important than lust, no matter how strong physical attraction may be. He wanted their relationship to be something more than just attraction - He needed something deeper than that. He needed a mutual understanding. Two people who had found each other completely broken; two souls that wouldn’t be able to function without each other. That’s what Gerard wanted.

     He had realized that was what they shared now, though, and he had never felt more complete in all his life.

     A while later, they finally broke away, slipping under the covers and whispering “good night"s to each other. Gerard turned off the lamp on the bedside table before he pulled Frank close against his chest. The younger boy closed his eyes, quickly drifting off to sleep while washed in the complete feeling of security he always got while in Gerard’s arms. The feeling that everything would always turn out okay, as long as they had each other.

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     Frank woke up before his peacefully sleeping roommate the next morning, due to the fact that he had grown far too heated in his long-sleeve pajama shirt and pants. It was true that Frank had gotten used to always wearing a lot of clothing over the years, but being under the covers, fully clothed in the middle of summer would still make anyone uncomfortable. Especially when the person he was sleeping with radiated heat like the fucking sun. Frank had to smile at the comparison - Gerard and the sun. That’s really what he was to Frank. His own personal sun.

     Sighing, he reluctantly unwrapped the arms from around him, careful not to wake up Gerard, and cautiously peeled off his shirt. Despite the fact that Gerard had seen his scars on more than one occasion, Frank still felt uncomfortable if he saw them. It was simply something he was embarrassed of, and he knew it upset Gerard to see them anyway, so he had easily decided to continue wearing long-sleeves for as long as it was necessary. Or until he died of heat exhaustion… The boy smiled wryly. Dying in the arms of Gerard… kinda morbid, but at least I’d be happy…

     He grabbed his favorite shirt and a pair of jeans, which had been washed at the summer home, from the dresser against the wall before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. It didn’t take long for him to wash off and then get dressed. Although he loved his Black Flag tee shirt greatly, the one he had chosen for today was his all time favorite: plain black fabric covered his torso, clinging a little more tightly to it than his other clothes did, and the sleeves were covered in a pattern of inch-thick, black and white horizontal stripes. The boy paired the shirt with the deconstructed jeans that he so often wore, and then went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

     Gerard awoke some time later, announcing that they would have to go back to the summer home for a while, so that he could give Mikey something. Frank smiled and nodded his approval for the plans as he cleaned up after they had finished eating.

     Then, by twelve in the afternoon, the pair found themselves back at the summer home, as promised. They still had agreed to be spending more time at the apartment now that they were together, but as Gerard had explained to Frank earlier, he did have to go back in order to explain what he had been talking to Mikey about on the phone last night. At the present moment, Frank and Alicia were in the kitchen, deciding what to cook for lunch, while Mikey and his brother were in the room that Frank and Gerard usually shared while staying there.

     “So…what’s all this about, Gee?” Mikey asked, shifting his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

     Mikey knew he shouldn’t have a bad feeling about this, but his brother’s mysterious way of speaking yesterday on the phone had him a little more than curious by now. Gerard smiled broadly and looked over at the brown-haired boy.

     “You remember that restaurant Alicia was talking about a week or so ago? The one she’s just dying to go to?” Mikey nodded slowly, still not sure where this was going. “Well,” Gerard grinned. “You two have reservations there for tonight.” The boy dropped his jaw and found himself completely at a loss for words. A few moments later, he finally rendered himself able to speak.

     “Gerard, that place is the best restaurant in town - Hell, in this whole side of the state! I can’t afford-”

     “I know,” Gerard cut him off, smiling perceptively. “That’s why you’re going to take her, and you two are going to have the absolute best night possible - on me,” he explained and punctuated the statement by handing the other his credit card.

     “I…” Mikey stared down at the card in his hand, which he had taken out of instinct. After all, it was just common courtesy to take something if someone handed it out to you, but when he actually thought about it, his immediate reaction was to want to give it back. “I can’t,” he sighed and held the card back out to Gerard. “I mean… Why are you even doing this?”

     A sad smile crossed the older man’s lips as he answered the question. “Because I really am more grateful to you for the other night than I can put into words. I really was going to say no to him, Mikey, although it was going to hurt us both. I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do. I really would have turned him down, if you hadn’t come outside with me and incessantly tried to prove me wrong, even though I didn’t deserve it at all.” He paused and placed both hands into his jean’s pockets. “I really am more happy than I’ve ever been with him… and it wouldn’t have happened without you. So I thought… that I wanted to do something for you. Show you how grateful I am…” Before he even had time to pull his hands out of his pockets, he felt Mikey’s arms wrap tightly around him. Smiling softly, Gerard returned the embrace by hugging the bony teenager.

     “Thank you, Gee, but…” Mikey trailed off, letting his head rest on Gerard’s shoulder. “You don’t have to thank me. After all the hell you’ve been through… After all the hell you’ve put yourself through… You don’t know how happy it made me to finally be able to help you again. To finally feel like I could do something.” He paused and pulled back just enough to be able to look the other in the eyes. “To finally feel like we used to… Helping each other… Understanding each other… That’s what we do, Gee.”

     The older Way found himself actually having to hold back tears of happiness. He nodded his agreement to that proclamation and ruffled his younger brother’s hair, the same way he had done when Mikey was only a child - when they had been closer than ever. “Because we’re bothers,” Gerard said softly. “It’s what we do.” Mikey grinned, feeling as it something had clicked between them. He couldn’t explain it, really, but it was just a feeling… a wonderful feeling that everything between them was all right now.

     “She’s really going to like it, Gee…”

     The black-haired man smiled and nodded. “Of course she will! And proclaim to the world that you are the best boyfriend on the face of the earth!” He elaborated, dramatically throwing one arm into the air. “Besides myself, of course,” he added with a smirk. Mikey shook his head, laughing, and stayed where he was - in the long-awaited embrace of his brother. It was seldom that he had ever wanted to pull away from Gerard, and especially now, when everything finally felt okay again, the last thing he wanted was to stop holding him.

     The blatant truth was: They needed each other. As they had grown up, no one had ever heard of two siblings being as close as they were. Since they were always there for each other, always around each other, it was almost as if they had become part of each other. And although it was unlikely that either would admit it, when they stopped talking - when they grew apart - they just didn’t feel whole anymore. Even though Mikey had Alicia, his friends, and the rest of his family, he wasn’t the same without Gerard. The same also applied to the older Way, who required that sense of peace that being around Mikey gave him.

     They were unlike any two brothers you would ever find anywhere else, and Gerard knew that he would never want it any other way.  

Next Chapter

     Beep. Beep. Beep.

     Gerard groaned, vaguely groping for his phone, which was resting on the nightstand. “Mm?” Frank mumbled, stirred slightly by the incessant beeping. The older only groaned a response as he switched off the alarm on the phone.

     “Go back to sleep, sweetheart,” he murmured, kissing Frank lightly before grudgingly rolling out of bed.

     “Where’re you goin’?” The half-conscious boy inquired, blinking his dilated eyes.

     “Morning shift at work,” he explained with a sigh as he walked into the bathroom. “That means I get off earlier, though, which is good,” he said before shutting the door and turning on the water. Mornings…without…coffee…suck…ass… The exhausted man concluded. Using the rest of his colorful vocabulary, Gerard cursed whoever invented mornings to the fiery pits of hell and then laughed darkly to himself at the irony. Even though he was still ecstatically happy about the fact that Frank was now his, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to fully experience that happiness until he was fully awake. Which wouldn’t be until he got coffee. Which wouldn’t be until after he got out of the shower. Fuck.

     Not in any sort of hurry to wake up, especially if his lover would be at work, Frank snuggled back into the pillows. Even though he wasn’t anywhere near fully awake, he couldn’t keep from smiling. It’s okay now… Everything’s okay now. I love him… His smile broadened as he heard the bathroom door open a few minutes later. He makes everything okay…

     He couldn’t help but giggle a little at how incredibly drowsy Gerard still seemed. It was almost like he was sleep-walking as he made his way to the closet, dripping tresses of raven hair touching his bare shoulders that seemed so powerful, yet warm and inviting at the same time. Frank couldn’t help but stare, trying to comprehend how incredibly beautiful he was. How graceful he seemed, just standing there. How his skin was so pure, so flawless. How the beads of water slowly slid down his back, eventually absorbing into the towel wrapped around his slender waist. Perfect…

     Gerard pulled on his boxers under the towel - not even admitting to himself that he did this more out of his own self-consciousness than his desire to protect Frank’s virtue - then quickly dressed in black jeans and a dark grey button down shirt. “You look nice,” Frank shyly commented from where he still laid on the bed. It was the biggest understatement that he had ever spoken, but didn’t quite yet have the courage to tell Gerard how fucking gorgeous he was. The man smiled at him over his shoulder.

     “Thanks…” He then combed out his hair, quickly put on some eyeliner, and grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. “I’ll see you this evening, okay?” He walked over to the bed, running a hand through Frank’s soft hair. The boy shivered and nodded. Gerard smiled as he realized that the more he could make Frank shiver, the more he loved it. Loved the feel of the tiny, involuntary tremble of pleasure he sent through his boyfriend’s body. It mirrored his nearly ecstatic thoughts perfectly. He quickly kissed the other, dismayed when he had to pull away.

     Mikey and Alicia were still asleep as Gerard got in his car to drive off to work, still holding onto the feeling of the Frank’s lips as the moved under his. The boy rolled over, pulling the covers closer around him, reminding himself that Gerard would be home soon enough. But I miss him already…

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     Now that he was fully awake, Gerard was happy. Blissfully happy. He actually sang while he worked, going all over the store as a proper employee should, instead of clinging to his safe haven of paints of brushes. While the minutes usually dragged by at a painstakingly slow pace, the hands on the clock against the far wall of the store seemed to move at an accelerated rate. He smiled at customers and gladly offered to assist each one of them.

     However, Gerard Way was not acting like a different person entirely.

     He was only acting like himself. Acting like the Gerard who had lived before he purposely denied himself happiness…happiness and love. But now he was certain that things were okay. He was better, Frank was better, they were in love… And as clichéd as it is to say, all was right with the world.

     He got so lost in his work that he lost track of time completely, until someone reminded him that he needed to take his break. Dazzling the poor girl behind the check-out counter with a bright smile, he walked out the door. Zach joined him a few minutes later, handing Gerard a grande sized mocha from Starbucks, since it had been his turn to buy the coffee today. This was a routine they had fallen into over the past couple of weeks. They didn’t talk that much outside of work, but every day they would somehow manage to take their break at the same time. Then, they alternated who bought them coffee from the Starbucks down the street.

     “Gerard, I told you about how observant I am when we first met,” Zach began, taking a sip of his cinnamon dolce. “But anyone with eyes can see that you, my friend, are fucking ecstatic.” Gerard burst into what was almost a giggle at the statement. Zach just stared, open-mouthed, not at all used to this side of his friend. “Oh my God…” he sighed, then shook his head and gently grabbed Gerard’s arm. “Come on.”

     Despite his currently happy state, the younger frowned a little. “Where are you taking me?”

     “To my car, to take you home, because you’re obviously on something, and you don’t need to be at work like that.”

     Gerard threw his head back and just had to laugh at the seriousness in the other’s voice. “Zach, no... I’m not high, I swear.” He smiled softly at the redhead before he leaned back against the outside brick wall of the store. “Frank… He… We’re together now.”

     Zach blinked a few times, somehow doubting - and subtly denying - even though that would be the only reason for Gerard’s attitude that he could think of, which did not include drugs or alcohol. “No shit?” Gerard smiled, shaking his head. Zach returned the smile as he leaned against the wall next to his friend. “So you got laid… That explains it.”

     The black-haired man laughed and punched the other lightly in the arm. “I didn’t get laid, dumbass. We‘re just…official now.”

     “Fuck… If you’re this happy over that, then you really love him even more than I thought you did.” And I wonder how happy you’ll be once you do get to fuck him.

     “And the fact that I act like some sort of fucking schoolgirl with a crush whenever I talk about him didn’t make you realize that earlier?” Gerard asked, grinning.

     The older laughed as he looked up toward the sky, which was slowly gathering clouds. “Yeah… I did realize it…” he sighed silently, then took another sip of his drink. “Maybe I just… didn’t want to admit it, though.” Gerard closed his eyes. Zach hadn’t spoken of his intense liking for Gerard since that day in the coffee shop, when Gee had told him about Frank, but that didn’t mean that it had just disappeared.

     The truth was, every time Zach saw his stunningly gorgeous co-worker, he had to stop himself from kissing him. Just one more, he would think. Just one more kiss… It wouldn’t hurt… One more taste… Then I’ll be done… But each time, he quelled those thoughts before they got out of hand. But he knew he was lying to himself. First, he would always want more… And second, it would hurt… it would hurt both of them.

     So he fought those dangerous feelings off with other musings, such as: If you really care for him, you’d just want him to be happy, with or without you. Or: He needs a friend right now, and you want to be his friend… Don’t be an asshole and make things awkward by kissing him. You’ll fuck everything up if you do that. You’ve got a good thing going here… He’s a great friend. Do not fuck it up. Or the last one that he used most often: He doesn’t want you. Don’t try it and end up all depressed and fucking emo over something you knew would happen.

     Still, even if he could restrain his thoughts, that couldn’t kill the desire deep inside him. Nothing could. When it got too bad, he could chase away his wants with alcohol. Even so, he never drank too much. He had seen alcoholism destroy several people throughout his life, as it seemed to be a trait in the men in his family, and refused to become like them. His father, his uncles, his older cousins… He swore to never be anything like them. He knew he was stronger than them, and he was stronger than any guy who would let unrequited feelings ruin a perfectly good friendship.

     That would be idiotic… The redhead told himself for the seventieth time. Letting this pass you up just because you can’t stop thinking about how badly you want him. He’s officially taken now, Zach. Get the hell over it. “Hey,” Gerard’s voice broke through the other’s thoughts. “You all right, man?”

     To his own surprise, Zachary didn’t have to put too much effort into the smile he offered with his reply. “Yeah… It’s…great, about you and Frank.”

     “Look, Zach, I know-”

     “Oh, shut the fuck up…” he said calmly, gently, close to lovingly. “Really, Gerard, I am happy for you. I’ve never…seen you so happy. And now that I know that said happiness was not caused by illegal substances, I’m really grateful to him, for making you… completely change like this, but for the better.” Even though it kills me that I could never make you smile quite like this, he silently added.

     “Thanks… It really…means a lot,” Gerard said, draining the rest of his mocha. “You’re like…one of my only friends, and I really do appreciate that you’re still…such a good friend.” The reason why he was afraid Zach might not be his friend anymore remained unspoken. Verbalizing it was unnecessary, after all, since both understood perfectly well what it was.

     “I’m sure you’d have much more friends if you’d just stop being such a fucking loner all the time. You’re great, Gerard, and tons of other people would see that if you only let them.” Once again, the unabashed sincerity of Zach’s words brought a smile to Gerard’s face. He really means it… and he really is happy for me… Even though it’s obvious that he’d rather me be with me… God. He’s great…

     By now, Gerard had figured out that was what he liked about Zach the most. He was the first guy he had met in a long time that was completely real and open about everything. He had a way of ignoring feelings that would complicate situations, but never denying that they existed. In fact, that’s why Gerard never got the least bit upset when Zachary kissed him in his car that day. Because, the way Gee saw it, it took more integrity to be open and risk getting completely shut down, rather than try to hide what you really think about someone. That was always a constant comfort - just the fact that he knew while everyone else in the world might lie to him, he could always count on his Zach to tell the truth.

     He’s just…everything that I’m not, Gerard thought, feeling a pang of regret when he recalled how he had been expertly dodging the truth whenever Frank or Mikey asked him something he didn’t want to talk about. Like how he had conveniently left out the fact that he had been about to drink again before Mikey called that night with Zach, and how he had just shrugged off Frank’s inquiry of how he got the small scar on his arm - the one that the IV had left after his suicide attempt. I’m just a complete fake… But not this guy. He’s everything I’m not… and he’ll probably never know how grateful I am for that.

     “Thank you, Zachary…”

     The redhead blinked at the use of his full name, then shook his head, laughing. “Are you sure you’re not on something?”

     Gerard grinned, showing the same mischievous smirk that Zach had first seen when he asked Gerard if he was legally old enough to drink. “You never know,” he smiled and tossed his empty container into the trashcan, then clapped Zach’s shoulder before he walked back inside. “You just never know…”

******************

     “So you guys are together now?!” Alicia practically squealed. Frank had finally come out of his room, and that was only because Gerard was supposed to be home in less than ten minutes.

     “Yeah…I…guess…” Frank said slowly, trying to hide the blush that he felt covering his entire face.

     “God! Finally!” She then completely surprised both Frank and her boyfriend by pulling the teen into a tight hug. “It’s about damn time!” Mikey laughed softly as he watched the two. Frank felt his uneasiness growing by the minute, and luckily, the younger of the Way brothers was able to sense it.

     “All right, Alicia… If you really have to be all over someone, it has to be me, not Frank. He’s Gerard’s now.” The girl let out a dramatic sigh, then reluctantly let go of him.

     “Fine. I was just showing how happy I was, though. I’ve had to watch them avoid actually getting together for the past two weeks and-” She stopped short, interrupted by a knock at the door. She rolled her eyes at the sound, still wondering why the man felt the need to knock. Drama King… Then, glancing at Frank, she smiled. And his prince.

     “That’s him,” Mikey smiled at Frank. The youngest nodded thankfully and rushed to the door to open it.

     “Miss me?” Gerard asked, voicing a beautifully melodious laugh as the other clung tightly to him. Beautiful…gorgeous, Frank thought when he heard the sound. Just like everything about him…

     “What the hell do you think?” he murmured into his chest. The older smiled before gently tilting the boy’s chin up. Even though he should have seen it coming, Frank was genuinely surprised when Gerard pressed their lips together. The younger boy shivered all over, slowly returning the kiss. He shuddered more violently and wrapped his arms around the other’s neck when Gerard’s tongue prodded at his lips, asking for entry. Loving the feeling of it, he started to open his mouth. With an excited gasp, Gerard tasted Frank’s breath. But the boy quickly pulled away, embarrassed when he remembered Mikey and Alicia still standing behind him.

     Gerard frowned at how Frank had recoiled so suddenly. The dark-haired boy just shook his head, feeling heat rapidly spread across his cheeks for the second time in a few minutes. Gerard furrowed his brow, but was finally hit with realization when he saw Mikey and Alicia in the doorway of the kitchen. He smiled at his younger brother, nodding a silent ‘thank you,’ which Mikey returned in the same fashion.

     “How was your day?” Frank asked, almost shyly.

     “Good, actually… even though it’s a lot better now.” After the statement had left his mouth, Gerard was once again graced with the opportunity to see the boy’s bright smile. “I don’t have to work tomorrow,” he murmured as he took Frank into his arms again. “Do you want to go home tonight?” The younger smiled. Home. He was perfectly aware that Gerard tried to keep them away from the apartment as much as he could now. It seemed that the artist associated everything bad that had happened to them so far with that tiny living space.

     When Frank was in that apartment, though, he didn’t think of bad things at all. He was reminded of how Gerard had saved him that first night, how it was such a relief to finally tell someone about his past, how he had felt so safe in Gerard’s arms - sleeping without nightmares for the first time in months. He missed the cozy living room, and the few peaceful nights they had watching old game shows or movies. Hell, he even missed that horribly uncomfortable couch that proved to be such a nuisance.

     Waving goodbye to Mikey and Alicia, Frank nodded eagerly at Gerard. More than anything, he just wanted to go back to that tiny living space he had first been brought to a little more than three weeks ago. It was a place completely their own, and, for Frank, nothing but good memories.  

Next Chapter

     Two full weeks passed by in what seemed like only a few days. Gerard, Frank, Mikey, and Alicia had all compromised to make the living situation as comfortable as possible. Frank was still staying with Mikey and Alicia, and now, so was Gerard. When Gerard was off work, the pair would go back to his apartment for the day, but would always return to the summer home at night. Mikey and his girlfriend were, of course, more than happy to have a legitimate excuse to share a bed, while Gerard felt much more comfortable knowing that he could go sleep in another room if he felt he needed to.

     Alicia had said it perfectly one night. “Those two are like magnets.”

     Frank’s nightmares were barely present as long as Gerard held him, and he seemed to ultimately be getting better. Two weeks without cutting himself. Two weeks without waking up in the middle of the night screaming. Two weeks without being nervous around the people he lived with.

     Gerard didn’t find himself nearly as frustrated anymore. It seemed that all his words to Frank were finally starting to sink in. Yet the boy still had his moments, and he probably would for a long time. One night in particular was especially heartbreaking for Gerard… 

     “Frank?” Gerard softly asked, after being woken up by the sound of quiet sobbing into his chest. The boy merely shook his head, whimpering slightly. “Hey…hey…” The older held the crying boy closer in an effort to calm him down. “It’s all right… I’m here…”

     “Dirty…” Frank finally whispered after several minutes of silently cuddling in the other’s warm embrace.

     “Frank,” Gerard said tiredly, closing his eyes. “It’s not your fault… What happened…it’s not…”

     “But that…d-doesn’t change anything… E-Even if it wasn’t…” he trailed off, and Gerard grimaced at how the tears started flowing more rapidly. “I still… A-All the things I did…”

     “Frankie, you listen to me,” Gerard commanded in that voice that was somehow firm, yet gentle at the same time. The boy nodded and slowly looked up. “It was not anything you did. You hated it, right?” The teen bit his lip, nodding weakly. “Exactly… you were forced by that bastard… It wasn’t anything you wanted, and it wasn’t anything you chose to do.”

     “I-I should have…tried harder…t-to stop him…” The older closed his eyes, trying to stifle the spent sigh that escaped his lips.

     “You did all you could… You were scared, and he threatened you… He hurt you, Frankie. Trying to get away after that would be like suicide.” The dejected teen had no reply, and simply closed his eyes. “Would I lie to you…?” he finally asked. Frank shook his head weakly, still not voicing a reply. “Right… I wouldn’t… You can believe me. I promise you can.” A weak smile played across Frank’s lips before he buried his face in Gerard’s shoulder. He loved Gerard’s scent, loved the feel of his arms around him… It calmed him. It reminded him that things would be okay. Even though they had both been through so much, and even if they went through more pain and heartache in the future, things would always be okay when they were together.

     “Thank you, Gerard…” Frank whispered, actually believing the words. He committed them to memory, played them over and over again in his head, and tried to make sure they stayed there forever. 

     That had been six nights ago. Gerard was so happy that Frank genuinely believed him that he could barely contain himself. There had been no more crying since then, and no more guilty thoughts - Well, none that were voiced to Gerard, anyway.

     Things were finally looking up.

     Things were finally going to be okay.

     “Gerard! Get your ass in here!” The artist smiled at his brother’s voice as he put the finishing touches on his sketch.

     “One second!” he called over his shoulder. Just a little more shading here… Right… Then- 

     “Gerard!”

     “Fuck!” Gerard jumped so badly that he almost fell off the couch after Mikey yelled right in his ear.

     “Do you want to eat or not?” he asked, climbing over the back of the couch to sit next to the other.

     “I said I’m coming. I just wanted to finish-”

     “Oh,” Mikey glanced at the drawing before Gerard had a chance to hide it and grinned. “It’s really great…”

     The black-haired man smiled. “Thanks... I’ve been working on it for a while.”

     “I can tell,” the younger Way assured. “Going to show him?” Gerard shook his head.

     “Nah… not yet, anyway.” His fingers traced over the soft lines, almost like a caress.

     The teenager nodded. “You should sometime, though. It’s really good.”

     Gerard smiled over at his brother as he set the drawing facedown on the table. “Thanks, Mikey…”

     Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Frank was finishing up the spaghetti dinner while Alicia set the garlic bread down on the table. “Do we have any more sauce?” The boy who had become the resident cook asked over his shoulder. Alicia merely shrugged a response. “You’ve been living here all summer and you don’t know if we have sauce?”

     “You’ve practically stayed here as long as I have, and you’re the only one who cooks, so I’d expect you to know before me,” she responded with a sweet smile. Frank shook his head, laughing softly, then put the contents of the pot in a bowl before setting it next to the bread. “So…have you talked to him yet?” The boy closed his eyes and sighed, immediately giving Alicia his answer. “That seems like a no.”

     “I just… don’t want to fuck anything up.”

     The girl looked up at the ceiling as she let out an aggravated groan. “Come on, Frank. It‘s been, like…almost two weeks since you talked to me and Mikey about this. It’s now or never.”

     “But why does it have to be now?” The teen almost whined, busying himself with making sure everything on the table was ready.

     “Because I’m sick of seeing you act like a pansy who’s afraid of his answer!” She grinned back at him, and Frank couldn’t help but smile a little.

     “All right, all right…” He paused, then took in a deep breath. “I will…ask him…tonight.”

     “Finally!” The dark-haired boy smiled at the current source of his advice before he decided to hurry up and get dinner out of the way.

     “Gera- Shit!” Frank had turned around while calling his friend’s name, only to smack right into him - faces less than an inch apart, chests pressed together. There was a moment of awkward silence, during which Frank blushed furiously, but it was soon broken by Gerard’s quiet laughter.

     “You okay?” The embarrassed boy just nodded before quickly going across the room to occupy himself with some trivial task. A couple minutes later, they had all decided to abandon the kitchen, and were sitting in the living room with plates piled high with spaghetti and bread. Alicia and Mikey were curled up together on the loveseat, while Frank and Gerard shared the larger couch against the opposite wall as the four watched a marathon of music videos.

     The entire evening was peaceful, quiet. The way that most evenings in this house had felt. Gerard and Frank both had to admit they were becoming quite attached to the place. Even though they loved their little apartment, it held a lot of bad memories. A lot of baggage. From the fact that it’s the first place Frank was taken after his suicide attempt, to the way he had freaked out during those nights, to that seemingly endless time of telling Gerard about his past at the kitchen table… There were just lots of unpleasant memories. Things that Frank wanted to forget, and things that Gerard didn’t want him to have to think about ever again.

     After a long evening of watching television, eating, talking, and Frank and Mikey getting into yet another debate on which of their favorite bands were better than the other, Gerard finally decided to turn in for the night, mostly due to the fact that he had to get up for work in the morning. He had just walked back into the room that he and Frank shared and started to take off his shirt when the boy walked in.

     “Oh, sorry, I…” Gerard laughed a little.

     “No reason to be sorry.” Frank tried to smile, but it came out forced, causing the older to frown from concern. “Frankie? Something wrong?”

     “No, I just…” Frank nervously toyed with the fraying hems of his sleeves as he spoke. “I…wanted to…ask you…something.” Gerard nodded slowly and sat on the edge of the bed.

     “All right… I’m listening.” Frank sat down next to him, although he didn’t speak for several minutes. “Frank?” The black-haired man finally prodded, getting more worried with each passing second.

     “Gerard, I…I really like you…” Gerard smiled warmly at the statement, which encouraged Frank to continue. “I…was just… I understand, if you…if you say no, or something… really… I. You don’t have to, but-”

     “Frankie,” the other man gently interrupted. “Just ask already… You’re kind of making me nervous.” The boy nodded and took a few more moments to gather his courage before calmly inquiring:

     “Gerard…would you…be…be my boyfriend?” The older found that, like so many times before, the only response he could manage was a blink of surprise. Of course, his first instinct was to scream: “Yes!” But other thoughts hit him before he could even open his mouth. 

     I swore off relationships… No more. Ever again. I swore. I’ll just fuck this one up too, and we’ll both get hurt, and it will be all my fault. But…this is what I’ve wanted… This is what I’ve been waiting for. He will finally be…mine. Ah, God! No! Stop! I can’t have him! 

     “G-Gerard…?” Frank looked beyond worried now. “I... fuck… I-I’m sorry… Forget I… e-even said anything. Please…” Gerard bit down on his lip, trying to quell the onslaught of conflicting thoughts in his brain that kept him motionless. He watched as a few tears spilled out of Frank’s beautiful eyes, and didn’t think he could take it anymore. Holding back tears of his own, Gerard leaned forward, held Frank’s face in both of his hands, and kissed him softly.

     Frank found himself relaxing into the touch immediately, eagerly returning the kiss as shivers ran throughout his slender frame. It felt wonderful. It felt like it was meant to be. It felt… Right… But at the same time, something was wrong. Something unknown was clouding this moment - the piece of time that should have been absolutely perfect - and Frank had a dreadful feeling that he knew what that was. Unfortunately, his suspicions were quickly confirmed. When Gerard pulled away, tears were running down his pallid face, which displayed an expression that was completely unreadable to the other.

     “I’m sorry…” the older whispered before he turned around and left the room. The dark-haired boy stared after him, this time the one who was unable to move or speak.

     For the first time since he had met Gerard, Frank Iero felt completely lost and alone.

*************************

     Gerard hastily pushed his way through the main door of the house, taking comfort in the rush of surprisingly cold night air that hit him full on. He inhaled sharply, deeply, and let daggers of frigid air slice into his lungs, calming him. He held back more tears which threatened to overflow as he continued to gasp in painful breaths of air. After several minutes, he was able to calm down, and leaned against the porch railing. His hazel eyes seemed to close of their own accord, which prevented him from noticing the boy who had stepped outside until he spoke.

     “Didn’t take it well, huh?” Gerard nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the voice, but he forced himself to resist the urge to slap his younger brother in the back of the head for startling him. Mikey sighed, climbed unto the porch railing, and sat on the edge of the beam.

     “Mikey…he…” Gerard groaned as he ran both hands through his hair.  

     “Asked you to be his boyfriend,” the younger Way calmly finished. “I know.”

     “You… What?” The older blinked, standing straight up instead of supporting his weight on the post he had been leaning against. Mikey sighed again before he took off his glasses to clean them off on the edge of his shirt.

     “You heard me - ‘I know.’ Frank talked to me about it… almost two weeks ago. He’s been wanting to ask you all this time, but he was scared of the outcome…” He paused, then continued, still not looking at the other. “Apparently, whatever he was afraid of just happened, so I decided to come out here and talk some sense into your sorry, stubborn ass.” Gerard groaned quietly, folding his arms across the railing next to his brother and resting his chin on them.

     “I… I can’t…”

     “Why the fuck not?” he asked, almost angrily, as he slipped his glasses back on, then finally turned to look at him.

     “Mikey…you know, better than most people, that I’ve fucked up so much in my life. And-”

     “Exactly.” Gerard couldn’t help but be mildly surprised at how much more vocal the other seemed to have become during those years of not talking to him. “You have screwed up. A whole fucking lot. But I’m your brother.” With a gentleness that was in great contrast to his sharp tone, Mikey slid his fingers under Gerard’s chin, softly tilting his face up to look at him. “And I love you… I really fucking love you, Gee, and I’m not about to let you make one of the biggest mistakes of your life by saying ‘no’ to him.

     “I know you really love him,” he continued. “And I know he loves you. He’s told me so, but hell, he didn’t have to. Alicia can see it too. Just…the way you two look at each other… The way you act… You know, when you’re around him, your eyes change.” Gerard raised an eyebrow, slightly confused. “After…you tried to kill yourself… ever since then, your eyes have just been…dead. Like, it’s so fucking corny, but it’s true, that when people get happy, they’re eyes kind of…sparkle, or some shit like that. You can see the life in them, you know?

     “And just… your eyes look like that…when you’re around him…” He paused again, for a longer period of time. “I think we both know you’re pretty fucked up right now, but he wants to help… And I really think he can. Let him help you, Gerard. I’ve already told you…that I feel like you’ve shut me out for the past couple years. The last week or so has been better but… as much as it hurts, that kid definitely has a greater chance of saving you than I do. Just admit that you love him and get it over with.”

     Gerard stared at his brother for several minutes, letting silence fill the space between them, then finally pulled away to avert his gaze to the railing under his arms. “I…” he finally began, sighing softly. “I’m just…” He sunk his teeth down into his lip, nearly drawing blood at the force of the single bite. “I’m scared…” he admitted so softly that the other could barely hear. His brother slowly exhaled, considering his words before attempting to speak again.

     “Look, Gerard, I know you’re still beating yourself up over what happened with Kyle, but that’s in the past now… I think you’ve punished yourself enough.” Mikey readjusted his position slightly, attempting to get more comfortable. He then continued, as if reading his brother’s thoughts before they could be verbalized. “You won’t hurt him. You really love this kid… I can tell. And he can tell. It really would be good for both of you.” The older of the two still didn’t seem convinced, and Mikey was coming close to panicking. I can’t let him say no… Everything will go to absolute shit if he says no to him… and he wants to say yes… He‘s just so scared… 

     Sighing silently, the thin teenager slid off the railing, then wrapped his arms around his older brother. “Please, Gerard,” he mumbled into his shoulder. “I know you love him… Just please… please don’t screw this up.” He refused to look up as he spoke, embarrassed by the tears he felt stinging the back of his eyes. “I…I can’t take seeing you get so hurt again… You’re happy with him… Please, for Christ’s sake, just let yourself be happy. I…I promise to fucking murder you if you hurt him, but right now it’s just your own fear that’s keeping you apart… Don’t let it. He needs this, Gerard. And so do you.” The last phrase hit the older Way hard, punctuated by the fact that he now felt his little brother’s tears staining his shirt.

     He returned the embrace, locking his arms around the smaller boy, but remained silent for a long time. Finally, he nodded and spoke. “Thank you, Mikey… Thank you…” The younger looked up at him, tears long gone by now. “Thank you for keeping me from making one of the biggest mistakes of my life…” A grin spread across Mikey’s face immediately, as he completely understood what those last words meant.

     “Go tell him!” he exclaimed.

     Gerard laughed, kissed Mikey’s cheek affectionately, and then walked back inside. He went down the hall to their room, which had the door closed, but not locked. Not bothering to knock, he quietly slipped inside, feeling a pang of guilt at seeing a softly weeping Frank curled up on the bed. “Frankie…” The boy jumped at the voice, and Gerard closed his eyes before he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Come here…” Biting his lip and hanging his head, Frank slowly did as he was told.

     “I-I’m sorry I-”

     “Shh,” Gerard gently interrupted the other, pressing a finger against the boy’s lips. God…so soft… “Let me talk first, okay?” Frank shivered a little, then nodded weakly. “I’m really sorry…about the way I just ran out like that. It’s not that I was mad or anything, Frank, but I just… was surprised. You see,” he bit his lip, wondering exactly how he wanted to word it. “I’ve just had some…bad relationships, and I didn’t want you to get hurt-”

     “Gerard,” Frank interrupted, earning a curious glance from the older. “I…sorry… I know you said not to talk yet, but… You… you would never hurt me. I know that… You don’t have to worry about that.” Gerard couldn’t help but grin. After all the shit Frank had been through, after so many people had lied to him, after so many people had hurt him, he really did trust Gerard with his whole heart. It was a wonderful feeling.

     “I know… I had to think about it some, but… I know that now. Frank, my answer… my answer is yes… I would love to be with you.” At this point, Gerard had seen Frank smile several times before, but at that moment, he wasn’t just smiling… He was beaming.

     “Really?” Those absolutely gorgeous hazel eyes shone with mirth - complete elation. Gerard laughed softly and smiled in reply. Before he could even notice that Frank moved, he felt the smaller boy in his lap, arms around his neck. “Thank you…” he whispered, placing a soft kiss on the other’s lips. “Thank you, Gee,” he murmured again. Gerard could do nothing less than grin. Did he just call me Gee?

     “No,” he said softly as he ran one hand up the back of the boy’s neck and finally rested it in his short, dark hair. Frank shivered and leaned into the touch, slightly surprised when Gerard kissed him. It felt like nothing else Frank had ever experienced. Even on the nights when they had kissed due to Frank’s nightmares… it hadn’t felt nearly as good as this. The younger gasped as he felt a tongue slowly slide across his bottom lip, and compliantly opened his mouth. However, Gerard only took the time to briefly taste the uniquely sweet taste of the other before he pulled away. He smiled again, lovingly stroking Frank’s cheek. “No, Frankie… thank you.”

Next Chapter

Title: Nightmares
Author: coldestxheart 
Pairing: Waycest…sort of
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is pure fiction, so don’t sue me for it.
Summary: Ever since he was a small child, Mikey could never find a way to escape his nightmares… 

*********************************

     From the time Mikey Way had the first nightmare that he could recall, which was at age five, he knew that he hated them more than anything else.

     He hated how vulnerable they made him feel. How weak. And he hated how powerful they were. If he was consciously scared of something, he could avoid it. If someone attacked him, he could get help, since fighting back himself wouldn’t improve his situation much. Basically, he knew that if anything bad happened while he was awake, there was always a way to prevent it beforehand, or get out of it afterwards.

     But not with nightmares.

     There was no surefire way to avoid them. Every night when he would go to bed, he would hope with all his heart that he could just sleep peacefully. If he had just had a bad nightmare the previous evening, he usually didn’t sleep for the next night, because they would always hit him when he least expected it, which made things ten times worse.

     They were unfair as well.

     The fear in nightmares was real. Sometimes he would wake up panting, sweating, and feeling his heart ready to beat out of his chest. Sometimes he would get attacked in his dream, only to feel the pain from the times he had been hit in his illusion when he awoke. Sometimes people would tell him afterwards that they had heard him screaming, just as he had been crying out during his awful dream.

     The fear was real, the pain was real, the screams were real, but there was no way to avoid it. They were terribly unfair, and there was no way to simply wake himself up. As much as he tried, he could never remind himself during a nightmare that it was just a dream. His horrors were far too realistic for that.

     As a child, his petrified yelps from visions of monsters drew Gerard’s attention, and his older brother would come rushing into the room, shaking him gently until he woke up and was freed from his unconscious state. Mikey would start crying, if he hadn’t been already, collapsing in his brother’s arms. Gerard would then crawl under the covers next to the boy and holds him close against his chest. He would whisper to him as he stroked his soft, brown hair and assure him that it was only a dream… That he was safe now, and that his big brother would always protect him.

     He had no idea how much those promises had affected Mikey.

     When the younger of the Way brothers entered high school, he was still plagued with unpleasant dreams at night, only of a different nature. He would have visions of his best friend who had died tragically at the beginning of his freshmen year, of the hate crime he had endured halfway through that same year, and of the fear of his parents finding out that he was gay. Gerard was the only one in the family who knew about his brother‘s orientation, and Mikey liked it that way. However, he kept getting this feeling that maybe he was falling in love with his older brother, and even though he knew Gerard was the most accepting person he knew, he felt he had no choice but to keep it to himself.

     Simply put, he knew was wrong, disgusting, and shameful. He would die if Gerard ever knew that about him, so it was a secret he kept locked away, not really understanding it, and not really knowing what it meant. Occasionally, he would think that maybe he could comprehend it better - or at all - if he talked about it with Gerard, but always concluded that it was a bad idea. It doesn’t matter, he thought. Nothing’s going to come of it anyway, so I don’t have to understand it.

     When Mikey was nearing the end of his sophomore year in high school, nightmares had turned into complete night terrors. By now, his parents had moved all breakable objects away from his bed, since he had gotten into the habit of thrashing about in his sleep. It was then, when things became nearly unbearable, that he realized the only thing that would help.

     Every night, after his parents were asleep, he would silently walk down to Gerard’s room. The only time his nightmares had been completely absent was when his older brother held him, but that was never until after he had been woken up from the horror they contained. So he would climb into bed next to Gerard, and the older man would smile before readily wrapping his arms around the boy’s scrawny form. Mikey knew he had finally found the right plan when he slept peacefully through the night for the first time since he could remember. 
 
     The teen had been nervous at first that Gerard might think he was childish and weak for doing this every night, but it never bothered Gerard that Mikey slept in his bed. In fact, he loved it. He loved the feeling of being able to protect his younger brother, making him feel safe and loved. Truthfully, it was what Gerard lived for. Had a sinking feeling from time to time that he loved Mikey more than he should, but forced himself to ignore it. He’s your fucking brother… Do you have any idea how sick he would think you were?

     But sometimes, just sometimes, he would get his hopes up that the younger Way might feel the same about him, usually from a little thing that Mikey did or said. When the brown-haired boy was eighteen years old and still coming to his bed every night without fail, he just had to ask:

     “Mikey, I really don’t mind you doing this at all, but I’m just wondering… Why do you come here every night?”

     Mikey smiled tiredly, snuggling close against his brother’s chest. “That’s easy,” he replied softly as he closed his eyes. “You’re the only one who can protect me from my nightmares."

A/N: :D This chapter is dedicated to all of you lovely people who comment! It really means so much more to me than I can say <3 <3 <3

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      Frank would have opted to stay in his room all day. Even though Gerard had assured him that Mikey was not mad or upset with him, the teenager found it difficult to resist the desire to just hide from the rest of the world forever - well, the world excluding one person. But he couldn’t get that one person’s brother, Mikey, out of his mind. The look on his face. That expression of horrified shock. Frank remembered freaking out, pushing Mikey out of his room before locking it, and then running into the bathroom and locking the second door on the off chance of being discovered again. 

     His mind had been screaming at him not to do anything as he held the razor in shaky fingers. He knew it wasn’t right to do this to himself; he knew it was a habit he should have stopped long ago; and worst of all, he knew it would make Gerard mad. But all of this logical thoughts had been drowned out by his need to calm down again. The need to breathe. Frank was not one for coping with things well, and this was his last resort. I have to, he had thought. I just have to hope…that he won’t get too mad...

     Now, as he lied on his back, still shirtless and staring at the ceiling, Frank couldn't help but wonder what had kept Gerard from reacting angrily. He couldn't figure it out, and he had no energy to pursue the question any further at the moment. Sighing, he gently took the worn journal from under his pillow before hurriedly writing on the first blank page he came to. 

     I don’t get it. Shit. Last night was so fucked… I’ve never…seen Gerard cry before. He was crying. And it was because of me. Because I’m a stupid fuck-up who can’t even believe the things he tells me, which are apparently so obvious. I just don’t understand them yet. I don’t understand his logic. I don’t understand what he sees.

     But, somehow, the things he said… kind of made sense… a little. I still don’t really agree, but, just the fact that, even if I don’t believe them, he does. I can see it in his eyes. When he tells me I’m not a monster… when he says it’s not my fault… Whether it’s true or not, it’s true to him. And he cried. He completely broke down because it’s not true to me.

     I tried to help. I tried to hold him, and talk to him, and do all those things he does to help me calm down. I think it worked, actually. It’s weird, but, I kind of liked that. I mean, he always takes care of me, and for once, I got to feel like I could sort of…repay him. Or something. Like, we’ll take care of each other now. He can help me when I’m not okay, and then I can do the same thing for him. It’s even… fair… I’ve never felt fair before…

     But…it still just floors me. The way that he was almost hysterical over me. Does he really care that much? Fuck. He’s just perfect… way too perfect for someone like me. That doesn’t keep me from wishing, though. I really like Gerard… really like him. I’ve never felt this way about someone else before. I just - I can’t even explain it. It’s kind of scary, but it’s nice at the same time. Maybe I…might even…love him. I mean, he’s perfect. He’s handsome and strong and caring and trustworthy and… He’s just everything. I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust him. When he holds me, it’s like I can watch the world from the sidelines. There’s no reason for me to leave and join the fight. All my reasons lie with him. In his arms. With his heartbeat steady under my ear. No one else has ever made me feel as safe as he does.

     I’ve never cared so much about someone. No one else has ever cared so much about me. I…don’t know why he does, but I’m glad. I really am thankful to him, and I think... I think I do.

     I think I love him. 

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     Gerard slowly exhaled, gathering his composure again as he turned off the light on his register. “I’m taking my lunch,” he announced to whichever co-worker might have been listening. He didn’t care if anyone heard him though - It just meant he could be alone… well… almost… He pulled out his phone and glanced at the clock right before leaving the store. 8:36...which means Zach has been here awhile… Why haven’t I seen him? 

     “Gerard?” The man jumped at the sound of his name, then whirled around to face the voice. Zach stood behind him, looking almost embarrassed. “Are you…all right?”

     Gerard closed his eyes and nodded slowly. “Yeah…but I…need to talk to you…” He stopped, raising an eyebrow. “Wait… shouldn’t you be working?”

     “I just took my lunch. I wanted to talk to you too… Make sure everything’s okay.” Again some shyness crept into that velvet voice.

     “You want to walk down to the coffee shop? I’d kill for some caffeine.” Zachary smiled a response, although he could tell by Gerard’s demeanor that whatever he wanted to talk about probably wasn’t good. Rain clouds were moving in once again, and both felt a few drops hit them before they finally made it to the café.

     “Stupid rain,” Zachary muttered, running a hand through his damp, red locks. Gerard laughed softly and ordered coffee for the two of them. They were silent until they sat down at a table nestled in the corner.

     “I actually kind of like the rain,” Gerard said quietly, hazel eyes fixed on the weather outside. The rain was falling steadily now - sheer curtains of water that veiled the busy rush of cars outside. “It covers everything… Makes it clean… Makes it more serene. Kind of peaceful.”

     Zachary’s handsome face took on a sad smile as he took a drink of his coffee. “I’m sure you didn’t bring me here to talk about the rain, Gerard.”

     Gerard sighed. I don’t want him to get upset…

     The redhead held his hand across the table. “Hey… you can tell me, whatever it is.”

     “Zach…I…I’m sorry. I feel like I may have…led you on.” Zachary took another sip of his coffee, not showing any reaction to the statement - still not moving his hand from Gerard’s fingers. “I mean… you are a great guy. You’re amazing. And…with what happened last night… I really wouldn’t have gotten through it without you. You’ve just been perfect, and…it’s really not fair of me to make you think that… I want something more.”

     “This is about the kiss?” he asked, his tone of voice and the slight smirk plain on his features making him seem almost amused.

     “Yeah…that…and, us, in general. I just have this feeling that I’m sending you the wrong message.” Zachary nodded again as he squeezed Gerard’s fingers comfortingly. “Don’t get me wrong, though. I mean, it’s not you at all… Honestly, Zach, you’ve been nothing less than perfect. It’s just…someone else.”

     Those last two words caused that supermodel-worthy grin to cross the other’s lips. “What’s his name?” He then paused and crooked an eyebrow. “Or…her?”

     Gerard shook his head, laughing a little. “It’s a him… His name’s Frank.” A short period of silence passed between them before he added: “Actually, he’s the one I had to go help yesterday. Mikey was just the one who called and told me.”

     More silence, then Zach kicked him lightly under the table. At Gerard’s small yelp of surprise when a converse-clad foot caught him squarely on the funny bone, Zach’s laughter rang off the rain covered windows. “Well? What the hell are you waiting for? Tell me about him!” He grinned.

     Gerard blinked, staring at the other. “You mean you’re…not upset? You…kissed me…and now I’m turning you down.”

     Zach shrugged and that droopy smile returned. “You’re right. I did kiss you, and I do like you. A lot. I know we’ve only really talked for, like, a day, but I think you’re absolutely incredible. Not to mention your lips taste amazing.” Gerard quickly looked down in order to hide the small blush he felt at the statement. “But,” Zach continued with another shrug. “You don’t want me. That sucks, yeah, but you being happy matters more. As long as you’ll still be my friend, and you’re happy with this Frank guy, then I’m happy too.”

     Gerard couldn’t help but smile. “Wow… You really are…even greater than I thought.”

     “Too damn bad,” Zach grinned. “Can’t have me now!”

     The younger laughed and looked down at his beverage. I’m so glad…so glad that something has worked out. “Thanks, but… I’m not…exactly… with him yet.”

     Zach gaped at the other for a moment, completely silent, then burst out into that intoxicating laugh of his. “So you’re telling me I was turned down for a guy who you’re not even with?”

     Gerard shrugged, trying to smile. “At least you have a good sense of humor about it…”

     The redhead forced his laughter to die down, but let its bright shimmer shine in his smile. “He must really be something else. I mean, especially since you’re turning down an amazingly great guy like me.”

     The other smiled, although the expression somehow came across as disappointed. “God, he’s… perfect. But…completely imperfect. Like…” he took a few moments to try to come up with the right words, and finally just gave up. “I’m not sure how to explain it.”

     “His flaws make him perfect?”

     Gerard bit his lip, considering the statement for a couple seconds. “I… yeah, I guess you could say it like that. And he’s…just…beautiful… but tragic… It’s not, like, a normal type of beauty. He’s so…broken. He’s shattered. Yet at the same time just…breathtaking…gorgeous… It’s like… His heart is made of crystal and even when it’s broken into a million pieces, it’s still so beautiful… every single part. And even though so much shit has happened to him… he still just seems so fucking innocent. Like…an angel or something…”

     Several moments of silence passed by before Gerard looked up from his drink, which he had been staring at while completely lost in thought. He was mildly embarrassed by his feeling that he probably sounded like some sort of junior high girl with a crush, and that suspicion was immediately confirmed by Zach’s soft, knowing smile. “You really fucking love this guy, don’t you?”

     Gerard’s voice immediately died in his throat, but then he remembered that night - just a few days ago, watching that well-loved Tim Burton film and hearing his laugh. Seeing that smile. It was in that exact moment that he had known it for certain.

     He knew he was in love with him.

     He knew the tragically beautiful angel named Frank, whom he had come across by such a complete fluke that he was sure it had to have been fate working, had managed to steal his heart entirely. They hadn’t been together that long, in all honesty, but there was something there. Something that was wholly without explanation, and yet, at the same time, seemed to make more sense than anything else in Gerard’s life up to that point. It didn’t need an explanation, it just simply needed to be. Being with Frank just felt right to him. Holding him, talking to him, even tending to his self-inflicted wounds, as much as it pained him to do so… There was no better word to describe it: Right.  

      So why the hell don’t I just say it…? The man hesitated a few minutes more, then slowly nodded. “Yes…I… I really do.” Zachary closed his eyes for a short while. It frustrated Gerard that he did so, for the reason that those hazel orbs were now hidden from him by pale eyelids. He had no idea what sort of thoughts were going through Zach’s mind, and couldn’t even attempt to read him. He had to note, though, that for the first time that night, he actually began to seem…saddened.

     “I’m happy for you, Gerard,” he said as he drained the rest of the coffee in his cup before standing. “Really…” he finished, offering a smile. Gerard couldn’t help but smile too, because he could tell Zachary was being sincere. Even if he was let down, or disappointed, he could tell that this man really just wanted him to be happy. “I’ll have to meet him someday.”

     The black-haired man stood up as well and nodded. “You guys would probably get along really well.”

     Zach clapped Gerard on the shoulder, pleased expression fading slightly when he looked at the rain that was still pouring down outside. “Well… looks like it’s not going to let up soon, but we have to get back.”

     Gerard grinned back at him as he walked out the door, once again getting that miraculous feeling that everything really was going to be okay this time. “Come on... I’ve been through much worse, trust me. A little rain’s not going to kill ya.”

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